Victims of sociopathic/narcissistic experience so many different painful emotions. These emotions do not stop just because the sociopath is now out of your life. In fact those painful emotions become even stronger at times. Especially during times of reflection and instrospection. The pain soon becomes anger. This anger is rightly justified. What the sociopath has done to us, is horrific.
The problem is with this anger, is that it becomes an obsession. We become obsessed with hatred of the sociopath/narcissist. Again, these feelings are certainly justified. But the problem with obsession is that it takes over our life. It interferes with our ability to regain control of our life, and move forward in a positive direction.
We were hurt and violated by a person who has no moral compass, unable to feel empathy, and is devoid of good and of a soul. Usually hurt people, hurt people. We want to see the person who caused us such an enormous amount of pain and turmoil suffer some kind of consequences.
We even become somewhat obsessed with thinking about revenge, feeling ill will towards the person, thinking about what they did to us a majority of the time, and when doing so, we are re-living that nightmare all over again.
So you see, the problem with obsession is that is wear us out. It takes away precious moments of life that are waiting to be lived.
Do not feel ashamed if you have become obsessed in this way. It is normal. What is important is that you become aware of these feelings and thoughts, and you have the ability to change them.
We must cope with obsession by compartmentalizing it, only allowing ourself to dwell on it for specific periods of time. This way you will be able to schedule your way out of it.
The sociopath/narcissist has stolen so much time from us, and we must accept that what happened, happened. Be thankful that now this evil individual is out of your life. Because now you are able to actually LIVE LIFE genuinely and joyfully.
Sociopaths lack decency, compassion, and care for anyone other than themselves. They may have a physical body, but they do not have a Soul. When one enters our life, we have a chance to learn and grow spiritually. They are all Pathological Liars, selfish, hateful, and cruel. They seek to ruin our spirit and cause us pain.
I commented on another page too, again, I feel like you're speaking directly to me...it's unbelievable. I am guilty of obsessing. It's impossible to think that I could forget him just yet, as I still have eight more years of haging to interact with him. I want out so badly. I want to forget about the pain and destruction so badly. I know that I will never be the same person. I've already changed so much, not for the better.
ReplyDeleteI have felt what you have felt. And it is completely normal. The crazy thing is when the sociopath was doing their best to destroy my reputation and run a smear campaign against me. They actually accused me of being their "obsessive psycho-cyber stalker". When in fact the opposite is true. The sociopath was the one who was religiously checking my social media. I had to close accounts because even making them private the sociopath would make up fake accounts or even start to associate with people who I knew, and would ask them to look on my page because they think I am writing about them (Twitter or Facebook) which I never did. Notice on this site - I never mention any names. And it is hard to discern if the sociopath I speak of is male or female. And I myself am basically anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI did it this way to simply help others and it has helped me to heal knowing I am helping others that have gone thru the emotional, and mental torture that I went thru. And still to this day I think about the sociopath. But I try to stop myself when I find myself doing so. Because it is such a waste of my thoughts.
Despite what the sociopath has said about me and told me I was and made me to look stupid, crazy, mentally unstable. I know now that the sociopath is WRONG. Basically everything the sociopath is trying to convince you that you are, is what they are. They are projecting themselves onto you or anyone else that will take it. Because it is so hideous - they don't want it. But it is theirs. All they say you are - that is actually what they are
I have finally become aware of my pattern of attracting narcissists and allowing them to abuse me. I recognize that I am an empath now. However, I also recognize I didn't value myself enough and didn't set up boundaries. Employers, friends, guys I have dated have all ultimately made me feel "worthless" while they took all my time, love and care. I could never "do" enough. They turned everything around to make it look like it was "my issue." One employer said I was a "User, a victim, I needed attention all the time, I ripped her off everyday, I had selective hearing, etc etc" I was shocked. She had just described herself and turned it all around to blame me for her narcissistic traits. She was so ungrateful and would ignore me and never say "hello" when she came home. (I used to care for her mother who had dementia.) She would ridicule me, try to belittle me with her negative energy and verbally insult me. It confused me because she could also be nice and generous. I realize though that a persons "positive traits" does not cancel out their destructive, toxic traits. They used me and abused me. I thought I would keep doing more and they would appreciate it at some point. I felt sorry for her because she was a lonely person who married an also abusive man (who was also abusive to me) - and I wanted to make things easier for her. I stayed late so she could have a social life. I went way above and beyond for her and her family and it just resulted in a total lack of respect for me and they took advantage of me on an epic scale. I bent over backwards for her and her family. I am disgusted by how much I allowed them to take advantage of me and devalue me. I became a mere shadow of myself. Men have also devalued me, as well as "friends." It's a very insidious, devious, trait. It manifests itself in many different ways. Sometimes it's not so obvious. They might not "seem so bad" - but something about them is still bothersome and unsettling. Recently a friend just cut me off giving me the "silent treatment." It was very petty and very childish. I stood up for myself when I realized how entitled and ungrateful she really was. She was judgmental, lacked empathy and was self righteous. When I confided in her about my ex bf, she suggested he might be a narcissist. I knew he wasn't. He had issues but he was definitely not a narcissist. I remember thinking how ironic it was that she didn't recognize her own narcissistic traits and told me that "sometimes narcissism isn't always obvious." I wanted to say "Ya think? Look in the mirror." She never had "patience" for anyone who didn't adhere to her schedule and her philosophies. god forbid you cancel plans with her. She never thought of anyone elses well being. Just hers. Anyway, good riddance! I am so relieved! Another "friend" I used to babysit when she was a little girl. I had to eliminate her from my life. She is now 37. I did tell her that we were "no longer compatible." This girl was so self consumed and would ridicule me in public. I always felt exhausted after spending time with her. Her energy was negative and toxic. I am never again going to allow these horrible vultures to drain me ever again. - VK
ReplyDeleteBye toxicity.