Wednesday, January 6, 2016

There is Life After the Narcissist/sociopath

We all go into a relationship with a narcissist/sociopath without knowing the trauma, pain, hurt, betrayal we will go through for this unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship. 
We become addicted  to the narcissistic sociopath, this explains why we find it so hard to maintain No Contact  and why we have such a hard time leaving and moving on with our life, or moving on to healthy relationships. Because after its over we may feel one excites us in quite the same way or with the same intensity as our toxic partner. 

We are not aware that we have become the suffering and the suffering becomes us.

We forget what normalcy feels like.

This is what the sociopath/narcissist does to us, they play so many mind games, that we forget what a healthy relationship feels like, the dysfunction becomes our new normal. We even question our own sanity, and our own true self. The narcissist is so toxic, they make us feel that it is us that attracts toxic people into our lives. We feel we are doomed, which in turn becomes everyday anxiety, that is crippling to our emotional and mental health. 

The truth is that, we are not doomed. We may have become addicted to the chaos, because that is what the narcissist has shown us. The narcissist will always worm their way back into our good graces and life, and  as soon as we feel stable, and believe that maybe this time things will be different, the narcissist disappears and causes us hurt once again.  We feel rejected once again by this toxic person. 
More than anything in the world we wonder, why this person can't love us, what is wrong with us?
We want answers and need validation. As we get to our lowest, the narcissist enters our life again, and we take him/her back because the pain and depression was so real, we will do anything to feel even the slightest bit better, it is these painful feelings that the narcissist counts on, to re-enter our life, only to repeat the same vicious cycle again. 
This is how we become addicted to the narcissist. They prey on our weakness, exploit our humanity, and they do it so well, we become blind to the dysfunction, the dysfunction becomes a part of our life. The dysfunction becomes normal to us. 
As sad as it all is, usually it takes the narcissist finding a new person to exploit and use, for the toxic, soul-devouring relationship to end. The truth is the narcissist becomes bored with us. They know they can always come back and we will be there. So they discard us like trash. Leaving us broken, lost, and emotionally scarred.

We feel all we want is closure from them. The narcissist will never give us closure. They will tell their 'new' victim that we are crazy and emotionally unstable, they spread untrue rumors about us. They discredit us to anyone who will listen. 
We feel defeated and utterly hopeless...

It becomes impossible for us to move forward. We become angry and withdrawn. It's hard to even tell friends about our pain, because we don't want to hear "I told you so". Because every time we had taken the narcissist back, our friends and family didn't support our decision. They were right, and now being in pain after the narcissist final blow to us, hearing "I told you so" is just to painful.

And we just cannot take feeling anymore pain than we already in. 

So it is relieving when we find support in other places. When we read stories similar to our own, by other victims of a narcissist/sociopath. It is these supportive places that some of us find strength to begin to heal.

Once we start the healing process, it becomes easier to began to share our story. We don't feel so much shame about what happened to us. It becomes very clear that we were not betrayed by a normal human being, but we were betrayed by a personality disordered individual, with no moral compass, and unable to feel empathy for others. Knowing this helps us to realize we are not sick, or doomed.
What happened was not our fault, we were just another convenient victim of a very sick and twisted individual.
Knowing this helps us to begin to move forward and live life again with gratitude and a new appreciation for life. 

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