To me there is nothing fascinating about a person who is evil. There is nothing special about a person who hurts everyone that is “nearest and dearest” to them. Maybe people are fascinated because they understand so little about these ruthless individuals. I doubt they have been the victim of one or targeted. If they were, they would not be so fascinated with them.
Sociopaths are bad people. They have bad intentions. They are aware of the misery they cause, yet they don't give a damn.
I don't like to call myself a victim of a narcissistic sociopath. I prefer to think I am a survivor.
It has taken some time to heal, and recover, but I like to think I have come a long way from where I was about 7 years ago. None of it has been easy, there was a time when I believed that nothing would ever be “ok” again. I was completely hopeless. I felt that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I was so lost I even questioned my own morals, wondering what did I do, there has to be an explanation why someone would do these awful things to me.
I have suffered. I admit I have felt like nothing mattered anymore. Because of my bad decision to marry a snake, my life would never be happy, I would never find peace.
What happened to me?
I have felt just about every emotion one can feel. I was depressed, then I was angry. I was exhausted mentally and physically. I was hopeless. I was scared, alone, and living in fear.
I have been through it all. I have had to really look at myself, my real self. I didn't always see what I liked. What my ex sociopath did isn't important to me anymore. The things I lost are no longer important to me either.
What matters most to me is the here and the now. I continue to take things one day at a time.
Once I stopped feeling like a was a victim and I started looking at myself, I learned that I was responsible for myself and my feelings. It is up to me to establish boundaries with people, and walk away from people and situations that make me feel belittled and taken advantage of. What has happened in the past is over and done. Can't change any of that. But I can learn from it all. No matter how much I do not like what I have been through, I do believe there is a bigger learning experience in it. Eveything happened the way it happened because that was the way it was meant to be. It really is what it is.
Accepting that everything that happens, happens so for a reason, and even though I don't know what that reason is, I have to trust that it is the way it is suppose to be.
Trusting that everything is the way it is suppose to be, is what made me realize that I do not have to be a victim anymore.
Being a victim was a not a choice, but being a survivor is.
I know now I AM NOT THE PERSON I use to be. I am much more than the person I use to be. I am stronger now, I have lived through something that forced me to look at myself, my flaws, my insecurities, and as ugly as they were at times, there was a reason I had to go through this.
People are often fascinated by it because they believe in research on the disorder because it is hereditary. They think that we can perhaps eliminate them from the gene pool. Forever.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya. But I don't believe it can be eliminated. It is what it is. If more people are aware of the psychopath, they could possibly save themselves from years of torment.
ReplyDeleteI loved this article! Any person with real feelings would automatically think let me send this to the "predator" I know hoping it will enlighten them-but then I come back to reality and realize it wouldn't just go in one ear and out the other-it would be rationalized in thier little pea brain how they don't do that or they do it because (you know, the whole excuse thing). These holier than I people are literally destroying others lives. I haven't met one person that wasn't negatively affected by a person like this. A lot of people
ReplyDeleteDon't know this but if your diagnosed as a sociopath you can't have your children-you can't see or talk to them ever-all rights taken away, now that tells us something about sociopaths. I have extreme PTSD from my year long rein of abuse on a sociopath, I can only IMAGINE the mayhem and complete destruction and product of kids raised by one. If you know one and there are kids involved- don't do anything. Let them parent on their own and drown and then save the kids-the more you fight for what's best the more they "want" them. You have to act like you don't want them. Manipulate the manipulator so to speak.
It would be nice if diagnosing one was so easy. But it is a very hard diagnosis to make. Of course the sociopath is going to lie to any dr or therapist. They are going to play the victim. They have brainwashed their children to defend them and hide their secrets.
DeleteI've seen it too often.
What is so sad is that the real victim gets vilified and the sociopath has the manipulation skills to make the real victim look unstable and crazy.
I loved this article! Any person with real feelings would automatically think let me send this to the "predator" I know hoping it will enlighten them-but then I come back to reality and realize it wouldn't just go in one ear and out the other-it would be rationalized in thier little pea brain how they don't do that or they do it because (you know, the whole excuse thing). These holier than I people are literally destroying others lives. I haven't met one person that wasn't negatively affected by a person like this. A lot of people
ReplyDeleteDon't know this but if your diagnosed as a sociopath you can't have your children-you can't see or talk to them ever-all rights taken away, now that tells us something about sociopaths. I have extreme PTSD from my year long rein of abuse on a sociopath, I can only IMAGINE the mayhem and complete destruction and product of kids raised by one. If you know one and there are kids involved- don't do anything. Let them parent on their own and drown and then save the kids-the more you fight for what's best the more they "want" them. You have to act like you don't want them. Manipulate the manipulator so to speak.
I also suffer some PTSD from being the target of a sociopath. Although I am healing and becoming stronger every day. But it is hard. Sometimes when I have a little time to myself, I find myself thinking about the things that were done to me to break me down, and silence me, and make me look like I was the perpetrator and the one who was hateful.
DeleteThat is because I would fall for every trap the sociopath set for me.
FINALLY -- I realized that I had to stop reacting and retaliating. I had to stop talking about the sociopath to other people and just put out of my life. I hate that I find it hard to relax and have positive thoughts, because any time I have to myself the sociopath creeps into my thoughts and puts my mind in a negative place.
But I have come a long way from where I was 4 years ago... The was a time I felt hopeless but now I don't feel things are hopeless. I definitely thing the sociopath is a lost cause and will NEVER change. And I don't even about them changing. I want nothing to do with them, and if they change or not it won't affect me. But i truly believe they can't and don't want to change. there age will catch up with them, they won't be so appealing anymore. The sociopath that targeted me, has been doing horrible things to others for so long, that she can no longer trick and manipulate others anymore. People have been burned or heard of her strange behaviors for 25+ years now she has burnt every bridge she ever had.
I'm sure her evilness will never stop. But I do feel content that most people are aware of how this person operates and they steer clear.
What I went thru I hope no one would have to go thru. I feel I could of handled being physically abused more so than the emotional and mental abuse that I had to endure. The degrading rumors she spread about me, the defamation, the going my child's school (who was only 6 at the time) and telling teachers and office staff the most horrendous lies about me. I didn't want to even pick up my child from school I was so embarrassed and mortified about the disgusting lies she told them. She made a blog using my full name as the URL, pretending to be me. Portraying me as a crazy, insecure person with a mental illness. It was a hard time in my life.