Why can't your EX get a life? Why won't he/she just move on and leave you alone? After all he/she has remarried and claims to be so happy, especially now that you are no longer in their life...
When your ex continues to call, text, email to tell you the what you need to do while the children are with you (as if you are so incompetent that you can't figure it out yourself) You are probably dealing with a controlling, demanding, and disordered ex. You have noticed that the intention with your ex is not good. They are not doing what they do because they truly are thinking only about the children. They are doing this, because they want to be in control of you. The ex knows you have moved on, you are happy with your new spouse. This drives your disordered ex insane (more insane than he/she already is) Scary huh.....
The mere thought of your psycho ex -- the person who lied, manipulated and ultimately left you -- is enough to make your stomach turn, even if the contact is sporadic. It's hard to understand why they are still trying to have contact with tho everyday. You think to yourself “does my ex know what the word DIVORCE means?”
“Why is she demanding I attend her families Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Fathers Day, and Mother's Day with her”? Yes, that is exactly what I want to do on my holidays, spend time with my ex who has attempted to destroy my reputation, turn my children against my new spouse. The same person who has made one false accusation after another... (Sarcasm)
It's important to always keep in mind, YOU EX HAS A CHARACTER DISORDER. Your EX is not in touch with real human emotions, therefore they live in an altered reality than the
rest of us. A normal, stable person Does Not attack you one minute (in an anonomyous fashion online, or by spreading rumors to your children's school about you) then expect you to be present at their Christmas party the next.
Sociopaths, malignant narcissist, and character disordered individuals have a convenient way of forgetting all the horrific things that they have done to you. In their whacked out brain, they truly think that if they pretend that everything is good, and they did not do anything wrong to you - That you will just go along
with it. And sometimes we will go along with it, because it means a break from the constant drama. It means a day of peace, without the harassment. We are desperate for peace. Unfortunately when we go along with their delusions, it only compels them to continue to think they can always treat you a certain way, with no consequences.
It is hard to stand up to your psychotic ex. You know they will make your life hell when you decide to spend time with your own family, instead of theirs on holidays. When you first stand up to them, expect to recieve calls and numerous text, about how hurt the kids are that you didn't come to Christmas. (Your ex seems to have forgotten that you have a family and the kids are coming to spend the other part of their holiday with you) REMEMBER YOUR EX WILL ALWAYS USE GUILT INORDER TO GET YOU TO DO WHAT THEY WANT.
You know your ex is going to use guilt to try to get their way. It's important for you to stay strong. And remember it is not about the kids to them. It's about them, wanting to continue to control your life, your money, your holidays, your free time, your family — even though you are divorced. The reason you ex divorced you or you divorced them was because you no longer wanted to be together. Right? That means you no longer spend Christmas mornings together. You no longer attend their family functions, because their family is no longer your family.
Yes, it is hard on the children. DIVORCE in general is hard on children... That is a FACT.
When your ex decided to cheat on you with other men, or women. Were they thinking of how THAT would Hurt the children?? Of course they didn't.. But now your ex wants to tell you that you are emotionally damaging the children because you don't want to spend your Father's Day and other special holidays with them.
So when your ex starts their usual guilt tripping, and letting you know that you are a horrible parent, and that your children are suffering because of your selfishness (because you remarried and decided to be happy) If you are a good parent, then none of it should bother you. Your ex claims that your child needs counseling because of you. When your child is with you, is your child happy? Do the children seem withdrawn or depressed when they are with you and your spouse?
If the answer is No, then you know that your ex is the pathological liar, they have always been. Just another desperate attempts to control you. They are pathetic.
If the answer is Yes, then YOU need to get your child evaluated by a psychologist and find out why they are feeling this way. It is not because you didn't attend your exes family event, as your ex has said. If your home is a safe and healthy environment, it is important to find out what is causing the child to be withdrawn.
Your ex is a liar. You know this. They will try to portray to you that they are the picture perfect parent. You know better... They seem to have conveniently forgotten (again) that you use to live with them. You know behind the scenes how dysfunctional they are. They haven't made a miraculous turn-a-round. They are still dysfunctional. There is numerous people coming and going from their home. They allow their cousin who is a convicted felon to do their yard word and home repairs, for a cheap price. They are not around to supervise anything. Are the children at home alone a majority of the time?
The more your ex is accusing you of emotionally damaging your children, you can bet it is because they are incompetent, and they think projecting their dysfunction onto you will take some of the focus off of them.
I have seen too many times where the disordered person has emotionally abused and battered their spouse. To the point that they will not defend themselves or stand up to the disordered person. They are afraid. They have witnessed them destroy others. They know of the damage they are capable of. They know they are ruthless, heartless, and have not one Ounce of conscience in them.