The lies, rumors and pain that come with a sociopath

 When we have been abused, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, had rumors spread about us, lost friends, felt isolated, been afraid, lost everything, doubted ourselves, felt guilty, believed it was our fault - more than likely we were in a relationship with a sociopath. Or we were friends, or have a sociopathic family member.  

Once we discovered the truth, and realized we are not the only victim of this person, who had some how destroyed our life, our soul, and left us with little to no trust in the world. We are able to begin healing from the traumatic experience. Healing takes time. We are weak, alone, afraid, and don't know who we can trust.

The hardest part of healing is feeling safe and facing the world. 

We want to withdraw, because the sociopath has said so many horrible things about us, we feel shame. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SOCIOPATH WANTS US TO FEEL. 

When my sociopath spread rumors about me all over town — to my child's  school, to my neighbors, to people who i respected in the community. I was afraid to leave the house. I was afraid of what others were thinking about me. What lies had my sociopath told everyone? And did anyone believe those lies. My sociopath alread had a reputation in town for stealing, and abusing drugs and sleeping around, so why would people believe the lies that were being  spread?

I felt that people would rather believe the bad they have heard about you - rather than the good. It seems people don't go around talking about the good about you. But they will go around talking about anything bad about you - even if it's not true.

For a while I felt isolated from the world. I did not want to leave my home. 

Even though the people who knew me, knew the hardships I had been through with this sociopath. They new that this person was very dangerous and hated me for moving on with my life. The sociopath wanted and still wants to hurt me, and make my life unbearable. I'm not sure why.. Boredom, or because I moved on and found someone who loves me for me and we were happy. 

What I have noticed is that all Sociopaths are jealous of everyone. 

Since there is nothing real authentic and genuine about the sociopath, and they don't understand or care to understand emotions. They just see everyone as a conquest, or threat. Not as humans, who feel pain. There is not much "humanness" in a sociopath.. And when they get done with you, you may feel they stole some part of your humanness.

A close friend of mine has been dealing with a vindictive female sociopath.  It is his ex wife. He has been divorced from the sociopath for over 9 years and separated for over 14. She had numerous affairs after they adopted their 2nd child. Finally after one of the affairs became very public due to the fact the man she was cheating with was married, and they both held prominant careers in the community, he filed for divorce. He has been through hell and back. This is his story, in his words...

  

When I went no contact and chose to ignore my sociopath, that's when things got very ugly. I refused 

to communicate with the ex. So my ex decided to tell everyone, and put it on social media that i was a "cyber stalking troll". Even using my first and last name to slander me. My ex made up a fake domain site in my name. Pretending to be me, and impersonating me in an unfavorable manner.  Basically painting a picture of a very unstable person, that was trying to get help for my mental problems. The worst part was if you googled my name, the website that my ex started about me was the first thing that came up. That is  when I said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I contacted a friend of mine who is a police officer. And I ask what could be done about this website that my ex started about and was impersonating me in such a way. It was slander and defamation.

My friend informed me that it was cyber stalking, and I should file a police report. — so I did 

that. 

Which only made my ex crazier. Although the website was taken down, I was now being

accused of more horrific things. Now my sociopath ex wife was going to social media, claiming how she felt afraid for her children, because I was unstable, she believed I would kidnap them at a soccer game or from school. This was horrible because I felt afraid to go to my sons soccer game, because I didn't know what she would do or say, she had went to Facebook, and Twitter pretending to be living a life of fear because of me. 

What I began to notice was a pattern. She may have went to social media bashing me, but she expected me to pick up kids on my weekend. This is when I realized how unstable and deranged she was. She was only looking to ruin my reputation in the community, she still expected me to get the kids (even though she claimed she was in fear for their safety) 

I felt confused. I wanted to get my children. But with the unpredictable ex, I didn't know if I was being set up. Was I going to show up at the school to get my children, and the cops would be waiting to arrest me? Would my kids even be there, considering she loved leading me on wild gooses chases just to waste my time and make things difficult on me? 

I decided my children were worth whatever risk. And after all I had filed a complaint against her for impersonation and cyber stalking (which set her off to go on a rampant on social media) Bit it was still documentation, if my ex had something sinister planned. I remember so many times going to pick them up, feeling so much anxiety. Anxiety and fear consumed me. This woman had no limits and would not hesitate to destroy me, my new wife, and even my step daughter, who was at the time very little (5 years old). Sociopaths are so low, they will destroy children (even their own) just to hurt another person. 

I wondered if this crap would ever stop. I felt hopeless... I began to stop looking online, and begin to focus only on myself my children and healing. It was very tempting to want to get online and see what my ex was saying now.but I never did. I gave it a good eight months before I looked at anything my ex was doing online. I still do not look up my ex'a online activity. 

Accusations of the disordered Ex

The Ex Spouse - There are some people (the lucky ones) who actually get along with their ex. Most of us are not so lucky....

Why can't your EX get a life? Why won't he/she just move on and leave you alone? After all he/she has remarried and claims to be so happy, especially now that you are no longer in their life...  
When your ex continues to call, text, email to tell you the what you need to do while the children are with you (as if you are so incompetent that you can't figure it out yourself) You are probably dealing with a controlling, demanding, and disordered ex. You have noticed that the intention with your ex is not good. They are not doing what they do because they truly are thinking only about the children. They are doing this, because they want to be in control of you. The ex knows you have moved on, you are happy with your new spouse. This drives your disordered ex insane (more insane than he/she already is) Scary huh.....

The mere thought of your psycho ex -- the person who lied, manipulated and ultimately left you -- is enough to make your stomach turn, even if the contact is sporadic.  It's hard to understand why they are still trying to have contact with tho everyday. You think to yourself “does my ex know what the word DIVORCE means?”
“Why is she demanding I attend her families Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Fathers Day, and Mother's Day with her”? Yes, that is exactly what I want to do on my holidays, spend time with my ex who has attempted to destroy my reputation, turn my children against my new spouse. The same person who has made one false accusation after another... (Sarcasm)

It's important to always keep in mind, YOU EX HAS A CHARACTER DISORDER. Your EX is not in touch with real human emotions, therefore they live in an altered reality than the 
rest of us.  A normal, stable person Does Not attack you one minute (in an anonomyous fashion online, or by spreading rumors to your children's school about you) then expect you to be present at their Christmas party the next. 

Sociopaths, malignant narcissist, and character disordered individuals have a convenient way of forgetting all the horrific things that they have done to you. In their whacked out brain, they truly think that if they pretend that everything is good, and they did not do anything wrong to you - That you will just go along 
with it. And sometimes we will go along with it, because it means a break from the constant drama. It means a day of peace, without the harassment. We are desperate for peace. Unfortunately when we go along with their delusions, it only compels them to continue to think they can always treat you a certain way, with no consequences. 

It is hard to stand up to your psychotic ex. You know they will make your life hell when you decide to spend time with your own family, instead of theirs on holidays. When you first stand up to them, expect to recieve calls and numerous text, about how hurt the kids are that you didn't come to Christmas. (Your ex seems to have forgotten that you have a family and the kids are coming to spend the other part of their holiday with you) REMEMBER YOUR EX WILL ALWAYS USE GUILT INORDER TO GET YOU TO DO WHAT THEY WANT. 

You know your ex is going to use guilt to try to get their way. It's important for you to stay strong. And remember it is not about the kids to them. It's about them, wanting to continue to control your life, your money, your holidays, your free time, your family — even though you are divorced. The reason you ex divorced you or you divorced them was because you no longer wanted to be together. Right? That means you no longer spend Christmas mornings together. You no longer attend their family functions, because their family is no longer your family. 

Yes, it is hard on the children. DIVORCE in general is hard on children... That is a FACT. 

When your ex decided to cheat on you with other men, or women. Were they thinking of how THAT would Hurt the children??    Of course they didn't.. But now your ex wants to tell you that you are emotionally damaging the children because you don't want to spend your Father's Day and other special holidays with them. 

So when your ex starts their usual guilt tripping, and letting you know that you are a horrible parent, and that your children are suffering because of your selfishness (because you remarried and decided to be happy) If you are a good parent, then none of it should bother you. Your ex claims that your child needs counseling because of you. When your child is with you, is your child happy? Do the children seem withdrawn or depressed when they are with you and your spouse? 
If the answer is No, then you know that your ex is the pathological liar, they have always been. Just another desperate attempts to control you. They are pathetic.

If the answer is Yes, then YOU need to get your child evaluated by a psychologist and find out why they are feeling this way. It is not because you didn't attend your exes family event, as your ex has said. If your home is a safe and healthy environment, it is important to find out what is causing the child to be withdrawn. 

Your ex is a liar. You know this. They will try to portray to you that they are the  picture perfect parent. You know better... They seem to have conveniently forgotten (again) that you use to live with them. You know behind the scenes how dysfunctional they are. They haven't made a miraculous turn-a-round. They are still dysfunctional. There is numerous people coming and going from their home. They allow their cousin who is a convicted felon to do their yard word and home repairs, for a cheap price. They are not around to supervise anything. Are the children at home alone a majority of the time?  

The more your ex is accusing you of emotionally damaging your children, you can bet it is because they are incompetent, and they think projecting their dysfunction onto you will take some of the focus off of them. 

I have seen too many times where the disordered person has emotionally abused and battered their spouse. To the point that they will not defend themselves or stand up to the disordered person. They are afraid. They have witnessed them destroy others. They know of the damage they are capable of. They know they are ruthless, heartless, and have not one Ounce of conscience in them. 

The Female Sociopath Feels Threatened by Other Women

A female sociopath blends in like everyone else. Although female predators are the hardest to detect. They fly under the radar. Female sociopaths know that they have an advantage just because they are in fact female. Most people do not realize that the female sociopath is as vicious as the male sociopath. The female sociopath is much more dangerous than their male counterpart. Simply because as society we view woman as gentle kind mothers, caregivers, and nurturers. Most female sociopaths use this to their advantage, by playing the victim.

They portray themselves as caring and sympathetic, educated and worldy, rich and generous, and do-gooders... 

This couldn't be further from the Truth!

The truth is - Not all women are loving, caring mothers and caretakers. Evil within them exists.
This doesn't mean that we should assume that every woman is a horrible person, who manipulates, violates, and exploits others. It is important though that we are Aware that just because someone is a mother – DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE LOVING AND GOOD PEOPLE.

A mentality of awareness helps us to be better prepared if we ever have to deal with someone who is devoid of a conscience and is seeking to gain our trust, in order to use us, exploit us and emotionally harm us. 

Sociopathic females convince others that they are wonderful, and caring mothers to their children. They try to convince  people that not only are they attentive mothers, but that they are also successful career women. They claim they can do it all! 

Oh how great they are and how supportive, loving and caring, and successful - always having their children's best interest at heart... (Yeah f*cking right) 

 

I have personally heard a female sociopath compare herself to a "mama bear" protecting her cubs. She made this statement when she was trying to ruin the reputation of her ex husband and his new wife. The female sociopath knows that children are innocent – this is why she so often brings the children into her conflicts and drama. She believes by exploiting the innocence of children will give her the upper hand.  By comparing herself to a “mama bear protecting her cubs” she is trying to portray herself as a mother that is genuinely concerned for her children – this could not be further from the truth. 

The sociopathic mother believes she is entitled just because she was able to bear a child. {for God's sake -Mosquitos reproduce - it is not that hard to become pregnant) 

Female sociopaths will use her children for her own selfish purposes and to torment and control her husband or ex husband. She obtains information from the children about their father, only to use any information against him later. When she is unable to find any wrong he is doing, she just makes up lies and will use tiny truths, and twist and distort them, so she looks like the hero and her ex husband looks like a shit dad who neglects his children.  

She will “brainwash” the children that their dad is “bad” and that he has chosen his “new family” and (new wife) over them... 

She makes sure that the children never make any emotionally connection with their dad. The children are unable to open up and bond with their father and a new step mother and any new step siblings they may have. The sociopathic mother brainwashes her children to believe that they are not as loved at their fathers home, as they are at her home. She does this in a pathetic attempt to control her ex husband and his relationship with his children. If and when the man decides to remarry, the sociopathic female will also attempt to control her ex-husbands new wife as well. 

The sociopathic female/mother is always in a competition with others (especially other women). Most of the time the other people are UNAWARE that they this competition is even going on.  

The female sociopath is so insecure of her own mothering, she feels threatened by the fact that her children will have a new step mother. She knows that even though she portrays herself to everyone as “mommy of the year” — she knows that she is often absent and uninvolved in her childrens lives. She neglects them, and sends them to stay with family and friends, she is too selfish and does not want to be bothered with having to take care of the children's basic needs and any demands.

The new woman who marries the female sociopaths ex husband, poses as a huge threat. The sociopathic woman has been controlling her ex husband before they were divorced and continues to control him - Even after they are divorced. 

The female sociopath knows that a new woman entering the picture could threaten the control she maintains over her ex husband. Which means all the extra money she manipulates her ex to give her - may stop.

So what does the female sociopath do about this? 

She goes on a rampage of false accusations, she will make up blatant lies about the new wife to her children's teachers at school  and people who her ex is friends with.  The sociopathic woman uses defamation and slander, and she will attempt to psychologically destroy and ruin the relationship between her ex and his new wife. {If the new woman is strong and secure - the sociopath will be unsuccessful, but the new woman will be put through hell first}

The female sociopath knows that a new wife will not tolerate her antics and will refuse to be controlled by a crazy ex wife. The new wife will put an end to any extra money given to the crazy ex wife. 

{The female sociopath has caused so much chaos and created drama so long that her ex husband is exhausted and will give her what she wants just for her to shut up and leave him alone for a few days} He is desperate to have his psychotic ex wife OUT OF HIS LIFE. Having children together makes that hard, but he will eventually find a way to make her non-existent in his life. Paying her off seems to buy him a few days of calm from her psychotic rage. 

Super Sociopath pretends to be Super Mom but is Super Evil

It's not your fault if you fall for a sociopath. Because up until the minute you realize what you had sex with was a monster - ITS TOO LATE. She is able too pretend. Hell, her whole life she has been pretending. She has no real emotions of love. If she stopped pretending the world would see the hideous monster she really is. Being involved with a callous sociopath is bad, having children with one is hell on earth. She will become bored with you, and she never shows affection for kids, so she starts sleeping around with men, never coming home.  Finally she ends up leaving you. At first she is ecstatic to leave. Once divorce papers start getting filed she manipulates you to let her have full custody but you will still pay her child support. You are so exhausted and mentally beaten down, you give her what she wants -- Just SO IT WILL END. SO SHE WILL BE OUT OF YOUR LIFE. But she is never out of your life. She will text you, call you, go up to your office everyday demanding money for THE KIDS. SHE NEEDS MORE EVERY TIME. If you DARE deny her money - get ready for this queens wrath. She does after all believe she is the highest of all... She will lure you in, abuse you, use you, and financially and socially destroy you - WHY? Because she has nothing else to do... She doesn't work, even though she will tell everyone how she is a practicing lawyer - although her license was suspended for stealing from her clients. Or she will claim to be starting a business that doesn't exist. The real crazy ones will claim to be a working mother, and writing a successful thriller novel at the same time -- ALL LIES. NOT A WORD SHE SAYS IS TRUE. LIES. SHE CANNOT STOP LYING. EVEN IF HER LIFE DEPENDED ON IT 

Most all Sociopaths, men and women come across charming, self-assured, the perfect catch. They put out a charisma that draws you in. In the beginning they say things to you that make you feel amazing, you pinch yourself with glee at your good fortune. You won't ever know what hit you until it's too late.

A female sociopath is one of the most evil beings on the earth. They can attend a PTA meeting then they will disappear for 2 days doing God knows what.. Drugs, random sex with strangers. The female sociopath sees nothing wrong with infidelity. She only sees wrong in getting caught and not looking like the picture perfect family she wants to imitate. Lying to her is as easy as breathing. Destroying the lives of women she is jealous of and jilted lovers is what she does best. She has no soul. She uses her children to get money and manipulate her ex's. She uses guilt? What may look like a good family is only a facade. What is really going on in the home is far from good. It's downright bad. Abuse, neglect, tantrums, lies, drugs, alcohol - the sociopath will pretend to be a great mom, she is convincing to those who do not know her. Only close family knows how bad she is. People close to her are sworn to secrecy because of intimidation . Those are the people she is using as Slaves to do the things she doesn't want to do. She has others picking up the children, keeping the children, but she wants everyone to believe she is actually doing those things. She takes credit for someone else's hardwork. She is a back stabber. Her family knows the pain and torment her wrath is capable of. They have lived with her to see it.  They are scared of her. They cannot get away from her though, she will 
find them, bully them, and intimidate them. 

Lying, deceiving, and manipulation are natural talents for psychopaths, When caught in a lie or challenged with the truth, they are seldom perplexed or embarrassed–they simply change their stories or attempt to rework the facts so that they appear to be consistent with the lies.

Since the female sociopath loves a fast buck but doesn't like to work. She uses others to get everything she wants -- because she feels she is entitled to anything her tiny black hollow heart desires, she finds a way to live a luxurious life. She manipulates men, friends and family. She will steal, rob and use deception to get what she wants. But still it is never enough.  The more you give her, the more she will ask for later.  If you don't give her what she wants, BE PREPARED FOR HER TO UNLEASH THE FURY OF HELL ON YOU. She will stop at nothing to destroy you. She wants you to feel the pain for crossing her or telling her no.

The female sociopath is rarely violent. Most WOULD prefer that she beat the shit out of them with a crow bar, than the emotional, mental, and verbal beating she inflicts upon them. She will focus on destroying you day and night. She will call people on the phone and make up random lies about you, she wants others to think you are a horrible person.  She will play the victim and attack a persons character, ruin their reputation, make you look like the worst piece of shit in the world. She will even claim you beat her, broke her bones,  or forced them to have sex (we all know you can't rape the willing) but these tactics work for them, by being the victim, people will feel sorry for them and this lessons her chance of being exposed for the monster she is. HER ONLY FEAR IS BEING EXPOSED FOR THE MONSTER SHE REALLY IS. PEOPLE FINDING OUT SHE HAS NO HEART AND SOUL-- HOW WILL SHE MANIPULATE AND GET WHAT SHE WANTS IF YOU BELIEVE SHE IS A BAD PERSON. She will fight to the death to keep her dark secret a secret. If you pose a threat of exposing her, watch your back. She is capable of murder, if she sees you as a threat to her.

NEVER THINK YOU CAN FIGHT A SOCIOPATH AND WIN. YOU CAN NOT. THEY WILL WIN. YOUR BEST OPTION IS TO CUT OFF ALL CONTACT. IF YOU CAN AFFORD TO MOVE AWAY THEN MOVE OUT OF THE STATE - GET AWAY FROM THIS WHORE AS SOON AS YOU CAN...

When you leave – if you can leave – you're faced with a monster, who looks like your average soccer mom, blends into a crowd, an imposter who has hidden the money, isolated you from family and friends, and driven a wedge between you and your children. Her explanations are rehearsed and twisted, painting you as the instigator, the abuser, the money-grubbing, shallow asshole. She is a 
formidable verbal foe with her credible and plausible explanations of every interaction you've ever 
had, and you find yourself on the losing end of every session with friends and well-meaning family members.