Monday, June 16, 2014

Cluster B's and the toxic ex

Toxic ex's that are still attempting to control YOUR life years after you have divorced. Prove to be UNSTABLE, UNPREDICTABLE, and DANGEROUS. 

They want you to attend all of their family functions and holidays. When you don't because you have moved on with your life, they accuse you of being a bad parent, and hurting your children by refusing to come to their family functions.
How delusional is it for them to expect you and your new spouse to want to spend your holidays and your time off with them (your insane and toxic ex). 
It means that you couldn't get along enough to continue to live together, so why in the hell would you want to spend Christmas with them (Christmas is a special time to be with YOUR family and surround yourself with people you LOVE and care about) 

It can be exhausting, frustrating, and down right toxic to have children with a sociopathic/psychopathic personality disordered person. 
They do not want to let go of their ex-spouse. They relentlessly continue to try to control their ex – even after the divorce is final, legal situations have been settled, and even after THEY have moved on and remarried a new person (victim) 

Toxic people with Cluster B personality disorders (sociopaths, psychopaths, histrionics, borderlines, narcissist) will go to great extremes to make life difficult for their ex. The children are the perfect tool for them to use to get this done. 
The toxic person will make up lies, and try to beat you into submission with guilt regarding the children. It is not because they really care for the children's well being. It's all about control. All the while, they are undermining your ability to co-parent with them and move on to a new life. 

What is SO frustrating about dealing with these disordered individuals is how they take no responsibility for anything they have done. They have caused problems for you, they have done despicable things to you. Yet they seem to forget All of the things they have maliciously and vindictively done to you and your loved ones. 

They expect you to continue to interact with them as if they didn't try to destroy you (emotionally, financially and socially). They really think that just because you share children together that you should DO what they tell you to do. NO MATTER HOW RIDICULOUS IT IS. 

Even though you are divorced the toxic ex still feels as if they really have a right to know what you are doing and who you are doing it with. The toxic ex will bombard you with questions about your life. They violate your boundaries and DO NOT respect your privacy. Although when it comes to THEIR privacy - you better respect it- that is how delusional and out of touch with reality they are...
They want to know your plans for everything. They will use the children again to convince you that you need to tell them your plans. Example — They need to know what your plans for the entire summer are — because they are trying to make their plans and they CANNOT make their own plans until you tell them yours..
(As if it matters what your plans are, they will do as they like no matter your plans) Really the ONLY reason they want to know your plans is so they can sabotage them. 
Even if it is NOT your weekend with the children they feel entitled to know what you are doing over the weekend? 
It's important to realize that there is an agenda and motive behind everything – and their intention it is NEVER good. They are bitter, spiteful and vengeful. So everything they do is intentionally meant to upset you, cause you stress or just get a reaction from you. 
There is a difference between friendly interaction and an attempt to control. Learn to recognize that difference.

This type of toxic ex comes in different forms. They bad mouth you to your children, all while telling others it is you that is talking negatively to the children about them! (always the victim) They will do everything they can to create emotional distance between you and your children.  
Disordered people do not have any conscience about the awful things they do to punish you. 
They tell the children things that they think will hurt you – but actually it ONLY hurts the children in order to punish you. Ex. – "your dad is too busy with his new family to get you this weekend" or "Your mom refuses to talk to me about you going there this week, because she doesn't want to see you" 
They are willing to hurt their own children in an attempt to regain control over you or to punish you in some way. They emotionally damage their children just to "get back at you". This kind of behavior is a very dangerous for children to grow up around. It also demonstrates how mentally sick they really are... 

The Toxic Ex Plants seeds of Doubt

When the toxic ex has failed to "break" you or control you. They will try to convince you are to blame as a result of any of their failures, and the children's failures. They will say and do whatever needed to undermine the goals you set for yourself. The toxic ex will go as far as saying that the children need counseling because of you inability to cooperate and co-parent with them. (Remember they are ANGRY that all their attempts to control you so far have FAILED) This is symptomatic of a manipulative and vengeful mindset person and any communication from such a person should be ignored.

1 comment:

  1. THANK YOU, you have just put a name to this person I am dealing with. My amazing fiancé has this type of person as his ex partner. She keeps the children from him, has moved and won't let him know where and he doesn't even have a contact number for the kids. She only will communicate with him via email and when the kids do ring him she has them on speaker so she can hear everything and tell them what to say . She tells him that the kids don't want anything to do with him, yet in the rare times that she has a heart and lets him speak to or see them, they are so happy and fighting to get to,speak to him first. They run to him and jump on him when they do see him, yet she is always saying that they hate him. She has said many many times that she hates him and wishes he was dead because it would be easier for her yet when she did bring the kids over to our place and met me, see flirted with him shamelessly, so much so that I had to walk away to laugh becaus he just ignored it and moved away when she started playing footies with him. She even asked for an invitation to our wedding and when told no she got so mad and again won't let him see the kids. I don't know what to do about it all. I am so angry at her for the lies she says to the children,, the way she speaks to them and the way she speaks to him infront of the kids. It got that bad for him only 3 weeks ago that two of my sons and myself found him hanging in a tree in the front of our house. I know that he was in a dark place at the time and it was because of her and the conversation that he had had with her that night. I'm at a loss as to what to do about it all.