The sociopath only wants to WIN

If you are a woman and are dealing with a sociopath ex. If you are lucky, your ex will find a new lover and become uninterested in seeing his children. Sociopath/narcissistic men usually are selfish and children are more of an inconvenience to them.
When a sociopathic male tries to seek custody of children , they do so because they want to either
1. Hurt the other parent.
2. If they make good money and are going to have to pay a large amount of child support.
If the sociopathic male is wealthy and has plenty of money to take you to court and fight for custody of the children - HE WILL DO SO. And of course if he is able to discredit the mother with lies and slander, and gets somewhat custody of the children, you can bet that he will not be the one who is taking care of the kids. He will have a relative take care of them or find a women who will take care of them.
He only wanted to take the children from the mother in order TO WIN.

That is what it is all about. WINNING. Male or Female. The sociopath wants to win. They want to turn you into dust. They will usually boast about how they have custody or how they are the "domiciliary" parent. They portray themselves as Mom or Dad of the year. Always talking about how they do this and that for their kids, and letting everyone know what a piece of shit the other parent is.

When dealing with a sociopath, in my experience NO CONTACT is the only option. Of course if you share children with the sociopath this becomes a bit more complicated. 

If you are a man, and you ex is a sociopath, this situation is difficult and frustrating. 
When children are younger, in order to see the children, communication will have to be made. Every interaction with the sociopath is going to be chaotic, frustrating, and stressful. 
But I can tell you that it does not have to last like this forever. 
There  is a light at the end of what seems like a very long, hopeless tunnel. 
Your children will get older. And soon you will be able to communicate directly with them. The sociopath will not like this at all. They will tell  you that you are an irresponsible parent for "using" the children to communicate with. They will give you lectures on how you should coparent with them. They will make desperate attempts to speak with you. They will use the kids to try to talk with you. They will make up lies about the children.  
Example: they will tell you that a child is having problems in school due to your lack of co-parenting, or that the child is going thru hormonal changes and they want you to talk with them about boys/girls, birds and bees, etc... Blah blah blah blah....

A close friend of mine dealt with a sociopathic ex for years, but started communicating with kids by cell phone he purchased for kids. The ex was losing control, but couldn't take kids phone because all other kids that age had phones, and she didn't want to look like the bad guy by taking it. But she was angry that she was unable to speak to him and manipulate and waste his time by using the kids. He was able to make plans to get the kids on his weekends, without having to go through the crap that came with dealing with the ex. She loved to waste his time by taking the children else where when he was suppose to pick up. 
 But if your child is able to communicate with you via cell phone/text, you will be able to confirm with them if what the other parent is telling you is true or false . 
Remember they only want direct communication with you, because without it they cannot manipulate you and use the children to waste your time and drain your energy and wallet. 

There is Life After the Narcissist/sociopath

We all go into a relationship with a narcissist/sociopath without knowing the trauma, pain, hurt, betrayal we will go through for this unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship. 

We become addicted  to the narcissistic sociopath, this explains why we find it so hard to maintain No Contact  and why we have such a hard time leaving and moving on with our life, or moving on to healthy relationships. Because after its over we may feel one excites us in quite the same way or with the same intensity as our toxic partner. 

We are not aware that we have become the suffering and the suffering becomes us.

We forget what normalcy feels like.

This is what the sociopath/narcissist does to us, they play so many mind games, that we forget what a healthy relationship feels like, the dysfunction becomes our new normal. We even question our own sanity, and our own true self. The narcissist is so toxic, they make us feel that it is us that attracts toxic people into our lives. We feel we are doomed, which in turn becomes everyday anxiety, that is crippling to our emotional and mental health. 

The truth is that, we are not doomed. We may have become addicted to the chaos, because that is what the narcissist has shown us. The narcissist will always worm their way back into our good graces and life, and  as soon as we feel stable, and believe that maybe this time things will be different, the narcissist disappears and causes us hurt once again.  We feel rejected once again by this toxic person. 

More than anything in the world we wonder, why this person can't love us, what is wrong with us?

We want answers and need validation. As we get to our lowest, the narcissist enters our life again, and we take him/her back because the pain and depression was so real, we will do anything to feel even the slightest bit better, it is these painful feelings that the narcissist counts on, to re-enter our life, only to repeat the same vicious cycle again. 

This is how we become addicted to the narcissist. They prey on our weakness, exploit our humanity, and they do it so well, we become blind to the dysfunction, the dysfunction becomes a part of our life. The dysfunction becomes normal to us. 

As sad as it all is, usually it takes the narcissist finding a new person to exploit and use, for the toxic, soul-devouring relationship to end. The truth is the narcissist becomes bored with us. They know they can always come back and we will be there. So they discard us like trash. Leaving us broken, lost, and emotionally scarred.

We feel all we want is closure from them. The narcissist will never give us closure. They will tell their 'new' victim that we are crazy and emotionally unstable, they spread untrue rumors about us. They discredit us to anyone who will listen. 

We feel defeated and utterly hopeless...

It becomes impossible for us to move forward. We become angry and withdrawn. It's hard to even tell friends about our pain, because we don't want to hear "I told you so". Because every time we had taken the narcissist back, our friends and family didn't support our decision. They were right, and now being in pain after the narcissist final blow to us, hearing "I told you so" is just to painful.

And we just cannot take feeling anymore pain than we already in. 

So it is relieving when we find support in other places. When we read stories similar to our own, by other victims of a narcissist/sociopath. It is these supportive places that some of us find strength to begin to heal.

Once we start the healing process, it becomes easier to began to share our story. We don't feel so much shame about what happened to us. It becomes very clear that we were not betrayed by a normal human being, but we were betrayed by a personality disordered individual, with no moral compass, and unable to feel empathy for others. Knowing this helps us to realize we are not sick, or doomed.
What happened was not our fault, we were just another convenient victim of a very sick and twisted individual.
Knowing this helps us to begin to move forward and live life again with gratitude and a new appreciation for life. 

Sociopaths, Psycho's & Narcissist - The Most Dangerous Predators

Psychopaths lie to everybody because they are predators. 
If you are reading this, more than likely you have been attacked, hurt, betrayed, deceived, or discarded by a psychopath. 
You are well aware of how destructive and painful just knowing such a disordered individual can be. They are takers, not givers. They steal precious energy and time from you. stealers. It is a soul crushing reality check. It feels unfair that you were so unfortunate to have become entangled with a person that is unable to feel remorse, love, or care about the harm they have caused you and many many others. Yet they are still standing, and look as if they have never suffered any kind of loss, ever. 
While you feel your energy has been drained, you are alone, and completely defeated. 

Anytime with spent with a psychopath, is dangerous. If they don't kill you physically, they sure will kill you emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. The is no use in trying to get revenge on this morally corrupt individual, because they never fight fair. They  also have no conscience to stop them from completely ripping you to pieces. The more hurt they see they have caused, the more they will continue to rip into you. Your hurt is their motivation.

They have no care in the world, when you are their perceived target, they will have no qualms spending every minute of their day trying to destroy you. They will spread rumors to your friends, to people who barley know you, and warn people who don't know you, about you. The play the victim the whole time. Telling others how you have wronged them, how you are stalking them. When in truth, they are spending all of their time doing all of those things to you.  It doesn't cost the psychopath any energy to do these things, because they are using your energy to do it with, and probably using the energy from all their other victims. And believe me, there are many of victims.  You are not the first victim and you surely will Not be the last. 

Healing is your only option after being targeted by one of these predators. Do not think of ways to get revenge, because it will only drain more energy out of you. They have stolen enough of your precious energy. Focus on healing your mind, body and spirit. 

Malicious Co Parenting

If you are lucky you will never encounter a sociopath or psychopath in your life time. For us who have had to deal with the malicious sociopath it will likely be the worst experience in your life. They come in both genders, though most are male. They are emotional vampires, sucking the life (emotional and financial resources) out of you. Until you have nothing. Then they move on to their next victim.

Marrying a sociopath is a horrible life changing experience. Having children with a sociopath is a horrific nightmare that will never end!! 

Anyone who has to deal with these types of wicked, evil and inhumane beings, knows the damage they are capable of.  Trying to break free from them, will leave you wounded for years and even a lifetime. That is just how poisonous and toxic they are to you.  They will NEVER leave you alone. 

Do Not think that "DIVORCE" means you are free of the sociopath. If there are children to use against you, they will use those children, even if it means emotionally f*cking them up for life. THE SOCIOPATH DOES NOT CARE. If they think you are suffering, then they don't mind hurting their own innocent children to ensure that. The sociopath will continue to make UNREASONABLE AND RIDICULOUS DEMANDS on you. They will refuse to allow you to have any peace in your life. One of the most absurd experiences I have experienced with my sociopath, is after being divorced for 8 years and separated for 4. The sociopath demands that we spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and birthday together. Even though both of us have remarried. And the reason for this (so the sociopath says) is because it's important for the children to see their parents getting along.. Ha ha... That's laughable! It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WANTING  the children to see their parents having a healthy relationship and getting along... It's all about control. They want to control you. They want to control your holidays. They want to make sure that you are not happy and enjoying Christmas with your new spouse. My sociopath has requested every year that I come over Christmas morning and put the kids toys together. I am thinking in my mind when I get these ridiculous request; SURE! I would love to wake up, drive 20 minutes to your home and put the children's toys together, while you are passed out in the other room and I have to chit chat with you new spouse... That's not awkward or weird, ya freak.. My children are now older (teenagers) and there is not any toys to put together this coming Christmas. I'm pretty my sociopath will still FIND a reason to harass me or my spouse and try to guilt us into why we should spend out Christmas with them. YOU REALLY WOULD THINK AFTER 8 YEARS OF DECLINING THE INVITATION AND 2 years of having NO CONTACT with the psychopath, they would eventually back off and take a "HINT" by now. But Nope.. 

The point is they want complete power, and control over their victims or targets. They will do anything to keep that power they once had. You have to refuse to engage. Refuse to react to them. And pray that they will leave you alone one day. It's been almost a decade and mine has yet to get the hint that I will never be manipulated again. I have tried to co parenting. When the other parent has evil and malicious intentions, every attempt to co parent will end up in disaster. You have to figure out how you can see your children without going through the sociopathic parent. 

The Female Sociopath Feels Threatened by Other Women

A female sociopath blends in like everyone else. Although female predators are the hardest to detect. They fly under the radar. Female sociopaths know that they have an advantage just because they are in fact female. Most people do not realize that the female sociopath is as vicious as the male sociopath. The female sociopath is much more dangerous than their male counterpart. Simply because as society we view woman as gentle kind mothers, caregivers, and nurturers. Most female sociopaths use this to their advantage, by playing the victim.

They portray themselves as caring and sympathetic, educated and worldy, rich and generous, and do-gooders... 

This couldn't be further from the Truth!

The truth is - Not all women are loving, caring mothers and caretakers. Evil within them exists.
This doesn't mean that we should assume that every woman is a horrible person, who manipulates, violates, and exploits others. It is important though that we are Aware that just because someone is a mother – DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE LOVING AND GOOD PEOPLE.

A mentality of awareness helps us to be better prepared if we ever have to deal with someone who is devoid of a conscience and is seeking to gain our trust, in order to use us, exploit us and emotionally harm us. 

Sociopathic females convince others that they are wonderful, and caring mothers to their children. They try to convince  people that not only are they attentive mothers, but that they are also successful career women. They claim they can do it all! 

Oh how great they are and how supportive, loving and caring, and successful - always having their children's best interest at heart... (Yeah f*cking right) 

 

I have personally heard a female sociopath compare herself to a "mama bear" protecting her cubs. She made this statement when she was trying to ruin the reputation of her ex husband and his new wife. The female sociopath knows that children are innocent – this is why she so often brings the children into her conflicts and drama. She believes by exploiting the innocence of children will give her the upper hand.  By comparing herself to a “mama bear protecting her cubs” she is trying to portray herself as a mother that is genuinely concerned for her children – this could not be further from the truth. 

The sociopathic mother believes she is entitled just because she was able to bear a child. {for God's sake -Mosquitos reproduce - it is not that hard to become pregnant) 

Female sociopaths will use her children for her own selfish purposes and to torment and control her husband or ex husband. She obtains information from the children about their father, only to use any information against him later. When she is unable to find any wrong he is doing, she just makes up lies and will use tiny truths, and twist and distort them, so she looks like the hero and her ex husband looks like a shit dad who neglects his children.  

She will “brainwash” the children that their dad is “bad” and that he has chosen his “new family” and (new wife) over them... 

She makes sure that the children never make any emotionally connection with their dad. The children are unable to open up and bond with their father and a new step mother and any new step siblings they may have. The sociopathic mother brainwashes her children to believe that they are not as loved at their fathers home, as they are at her home. She does this in a pathetic attempt to control her ex husband and his relationship with his children. If and when the man decides to remarry, the sociopathic female will also attempt to control her ex-husbands new wife as well. 

The sociopathic female/mother is always in a competition with others (especially other women). Most of the time the other people are UNAWARE that they this competition is even going on.  

The female sociopath is so insecure of her own mothering, she feels threatened by the fact that her children will have a new step mother. She knows that even though she portrays herself to everyone as “mommy of the year” — she knows that she is often absent and uninvolved in her childrens lives. She neglects them, and sends them to stay with family and friends, she is too selfish and does not want to be bothered with having to take care of the children's basic needs and any demands.

The new woman who marries the female sociopaths ex husband, poses as a huge threat. The sociopathic woman has been controlling her ex husband before they were divorced and continues to control him - Even after they are divorced. 

The female sociopath knows that a new woman entering the picture could threaten the control she maintains over her ex husband. Which means all the extra money she manipulates her ex to give her - may stop.

So what does the female sociopath do about this? 

She goes on a rampage of false accusations, she will make up blatant lies about the new wife to her children's teachers at school  and people who her ex is friends with.  The sociopathic woman uses defamation and slander, and she will attempt to psychologically destroy and ruin the relationship between her ex and his new wife. {If the new woman is strong and secure - the sociopath will be unsuccessful, but the new woman will be put through hell first}

The female sociopath knows that a new wife will not tolerate her antics and will refuse to be controlled by a crazy ex wife. The new wife will put an end to any extra money given to the crazy ex wife. 

{The female sociopath has caused so much chaos and created drama so long that her ex husband is exhausted and will give her what she wants just for her to shut up and leave him alone for a few days} He is desperate to have his psychotic ex wife OUT OF HIS LIFE. Having children together makes that hard, but he will eventually find a way to make her non-existent in his life. Paying her off seems to buy him a few days of calm from her psychotic rage.