The lies, rumors and pain that come with a sociopath

 When we have been abused, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, had rumors spread about us, lost friends, felt isolated, been afraid, lost everything, doubted ourselves, felt guilty, believed it was our fault - more than likely we were in a relationship with a sociopath. Or we were friends, or have a sociopathic family member.  

Once we discovered the truth, and realized we are not the only victim of this person, who had some how destroyed our life, our soul, and left us with little to no trust in the world. We are able to begin healing from the traumatic experience. Healing takes time. We are weak, alone, afraid, and don't know who we can trust.

The hardest part of healing is feeling safe and facing the world. 

We want to withdraw, because the sociopath has said so many horrible things about us, we feel shame. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SOCIOPATH WANTS US TO FEEL. 

When my sociopath spread rumors about me all over town — to my child's  school, to my neighbors, to people who i respected in the community. I was afraid to leave the house. I was afraid of what others were thinking about me. What lies had my sociopath told everyone? And did anyone believe those lies. My sociopath alread had a reputation in town for stealing, and abusing drugs and sleeping around, so why would people believe the lies that were being  spread?

I felt that people would rather believe the bad they have heard about you - rather than the good. It seems people don't go around talking about the good about you. But they will go around talking about anything bad about you - even if it's not true.

For a while I felt isolated from the world. I did not want to leave my home. 

Even though the people who knew me, knew the hardships I had been through with this sociopath. They new that this person was very dangerous and hated me for moving on with my life. The sociopath wanted and still wants to hurt me, and make my life unbearable. I'm not sure why.. Boredom, or because I moved on and found someone who loves me for me and we were happy. 

What I have noticed is that all Sociopaths are jealous of everyone. 

Since there is nothing real authentic and genuine about the sociopath, and they don't understand or care to understand emotions. They just see everyone as a conquest, or threat. Not as humans, who feel pain. There is not much "humanness" in a sociopath.. And when they get done with you, you may feel they stole some part of your humanness.

A close friend of mine has been dealing with a vindictive female sociopath.  It is his ex wife. He has been divorced from the sociopath for over 9 years and separated for over 14. She had numerous affairs after they adopted their 2nd child. Finally after one of the affairs became very public due to the fact the man she was cheating with was married, and they both held prominant careers in the community, he filed for divorce. He has been through hell and back. This is his story, in his words...

  

When I went no contact and chose to ignore my sociopath, that's when things got very ugly. I refused 

to communicate with the ex. So my ex decided to tell everyone, and put it on social media that i was a "cyber stalking troll". Even using my first and last name to slander me. My ex made up a fake domain site in my name. Pretending to be me, and impersonating me in an unfavorable manner.  Basically painting a picture of a very unstable person, that was trying to get help for my mental problems. The worst part was if you googled my name, the website that my ex started about me was the first thing that came up. That is  when I said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I contacted a friend of mine who is a police officer. And I ask what could be done about this website that my ex started about and was impersonating me in such a way. It was slander and defamation.

My friend informed me that it was cyber stalking, and I should file a police report. — so I did 

that. 

Which only made my ex crazier. Although the website was taken down, I was now being

accused of more horrific things. Now my sociopath ex wife was going to social media, claiming how she felt afraid for her children, because I was unstable, she believed I would kidnap them at a soccer game or from school. This was horrible because I felt afraid to go to my sons soccer game, because I didn't know what she would do or say, she had went to Facebook, and Twitter pretending to be living a life of fear because of me. 

What I began to notice was a pattern. She may have went to social media bashing me, but she expected me to pick up kids on my weekend. This is when I realized how unstable and deranged she was. She was only looking to ruin my reputation in the community, she still expected me to get the kids (even though she claimed she was in fear for their safety) 

I felt confused. I wanted to get my children. But with the unpredictable ex, I didn't know if I was being set up. Was I going to show up at the school to get my children, and the cops would be waiting to arrest me? Would my kids even be there, considering she loved leading me on wild gooses chases just to waste my time and make things difficult on me? 

I decided my children were worth whatever risk. And after all I had filed a complaint against her for impersonation and cyber stalking (which set her off to go on a rampant on social media) Bit it was still documentation, if my ex had something sinister planned. I remember so many times going to pick them up, feeling so much anxiety. Anxiety and fear consumed me. This woman had no limits and would not hesitate to destroy me, my new wife, and even my step daughter, who was at the time very little (5 years old). Sociopaths are so low, they will destroy children (even their own) just to hurt another person. 

I wondered if this crap would ever stop. I felt hopeless... I began to stop looking online, and begin to focus only on myself my children and healing. It was very tempting to want to get online and see what my ex was saying now.but I never did. I gave it a good eight months before I looked at anything my ex was doing online. I still do not look up my ex'a online activity. 

Sociopaths And Stalking

Sociopaths stalk their victims and exes because they feel as if their victim belongs to them. They see their victim not as a human being but as a ‘material possession’. 

This story is from a friend of mine who has been dealing with a sociopathic ex now for over 12 years. 

It can be quite a scary experience for the victim. Sociopaths stalk in different ways. Some in personate their victim online to destroy their victims reputation. Others keep up with their victims online activity. And the real psychotic sociopaths actually follow their victim. Making the victim feel their life and the life of their children is in danger. 

Stalking is a crime in most states. But unfortunately by the time police interact the victim has usually been harmed.

When my ex stalked me, she also stalked my new girlfriend who is now my wife. She kept up with my online activity. And also my wife's. She would get information from our children about what we did at home we are we were going. It became to the point where I could not tell my own children basic things because I was afraid the information would get back to my psychopathic ex. 

She really targeted my wife, by impersonating her online. She started a blog pretending to be my wife and pretending to have an in mental illness. She wanted other people to believe that it was my wife who made the blog and was looking for help for ‘borderline personality disorder’. 

My ex-wife has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, when her mother made her see a psychiatrist or else she would cut off her from the money she gave her monthly. I don't believe that she has borderline personality disorder. I believe that she is a sociopath, a common every day sociopath. - this is just my opinion from what I know of her.   

I have had emails made up in my name. I have had credit cards in my name that my ex-wife applied for. She has financially done everything she possibly could to destroy me. 

I have had no contact with my ex-wife now for over a year. But that does not stop her from continuingly contacting me. She gives our children notes for me to read. I do not read them throw them away. She believes that I am her material possession and I ‘owe’ her my loyalty. 

Even though when we were married she was anything but loyal. 

It seems to me that sociopaths have a really “bad” memory. When it comes to remembering the cheating and lying they do. But they have an excellent memory when it comes to bringing up any small mistake you have made, or any kind of help/service they “think” they did for you. For instance - the 1995 model Lexus that I drove for years was in my ex wife's names, she still continues to bring up “that if it weren't for her I wouldn't have had a car to drive”. Though I gave that car back to her 7 years ago when she didn't have a car due to all the accidents she had. Yet she is still bringing it up. 

She got extremely angry when I bought my wife a new car. I simply told her, “that's my wife, it's not your business, tell your husband to buy you a car if you need one". As she had remarried as soon as our divorce finalized to the man she was cheating with so long. 

My children are almost adults (17 and 15). My daughter is responsible and has a car of her own now. Even though I was always planning to buy her a car, my ex wife's mother bought her the car. 

It's just another thing that my ex wife throws in my face. “What father doesn't buy his child a car on her 16th birthday?!” 

I wasn't given the option to even get my daughter a new car. Yet my ex wife is constantly telling anyone who will listen, what a piece of sh*t father I am. How I have completely abandoned my children, for my “new family”. Which could not be further from the truth. 

My daughter is on our insurance policy. I have paid my ex wife $3500 monthly since the day she said she was going to work out of town (she was really going to the Bahamas with her married boyfriend). She left me to take care of our then young children. I still had to work. It was hard for me, but I stepped up and did it. My children remember that. Though they rarely bring it up. 

I have never spread rumors about my ex wife. I remain Anonymous if I speak of my experience. Just as I am remaining anonymous on this blog post. 

I wish I could tell readers that this story has a happy ending. Unfortunately I cannot though. Even after being divorced for over 10 years, she has not stopped any of her craziness. 

I no longer try to please her, or give in to her, just for a day or two of peace. I realize that nothing I do will ever be enough. So when she tells people what a crappy father I am, I no longer get upset. My children know I am a good father. I support them emotionally, financially, and in any way they need me. My daughter now 17, comes over to spend time with us every week, and she brings her 15 year old brother. 

My ex wife wants to punish me. For what, I don't know. She cheated and left on her own. I was too busy caring for our young children to get angry or ‘revenge’.

It seems as though when I remarried, that is what really angered her. I suppose she feared that I would no longer be her puppet, and my new wife would influence me and point out that the way my ex treated me was not appropriate or right. And she was right.

I stopped allowing my ex wife to verbally abuse me and steal from me.

This has angered my ex, she really believed that she would be able to control me until the day I died. 

Unfortunately the only people who are really suffering from my ex-wife's a erratic and irrational behavior is our children. 

But fortunately my children have turned out to be wonderful, amazing, and brilliant little adults. It amazes me everyday at how smart and sweet they are. They have been through so much. 

My ex wife tells them terrible things about me and my wife. The children have chosen to make up their own minds about me and their step mother.  They see our actions, and how we do not speak ill of their mother, and we are consistent. 

I know that by having children with a sociopath, that my life will always have some sort of drama. My children will marry one day and have children and I  sure my ex wife will use what is suppose to be a wonderful occasions to make life unbearable.