HELL on EARTH - Being the Ex-spouse of a Sociopathic Narcissist

Being the victim of a sociopath can be pure hell. Especially if the sociopaths is an express that you share children with. Or if the Sociopath is your new spouses ex that they share children with. The harassment of you and your spouse seems to never end. They use the children against you. They spread lies about you. They tell the children’s teachers, the children’s friends parents, what a crap parent you are and it will spread rumors about you and your new spouse or girlfriend.

They do this to socially destroy you. To ruin your life. And anyone who is in your life that you love.

You must disengage from the dangerous Sociopath. Sometimes it is not always realistic to go totally “NO CONTACT”  when you have children.
So in order to minimize their ability to exploit, deceive, manipulate and harm you.
You must detach, distance, and disengage.
The Sociopath thinks because you share children together, that they can talk to you every day, send you harassing messages. When you tell them that if it is not concerning the children, and you have nothing to say to them. The sociopath will make up stories about the children to you, just so they can talk to you, the only reason they want to communicate with you is to make your life difficult. 
The sociopathic narcissist wants to control you in every way they can. And they are going to do this by using your children, that you love, against you.

They will use the children as their greatest weapon against you. They will deny you access to your children, they will tell you how bad of a parent you are, they use guilt, they will do anything and everything to try to stay in contact with you in order to maintain control over you.
Once you go no contact with them. They become desperate to make contact with you, it will become an obsession for them. They will make up lies about the children, saying things like one of the children has been diagnosed with a serious medical condition, one of the children is so upset about the way they are not communicating that that child needs therapy. When the child really does not know what is going on. Unless the Sociopath has told the child something, but you as a loving parent have not involved your children and letting them know what an evil mother or father they have.

Do not rely on any information the sociopaths gives you. Always verify all information concerning the child’s health with the child or with your child’s doctor, teachers, counselors. You will more than likely find that everything that the sociopathic narcissist told you was UNTRUE. 


DO NOT CUT THE SOCIOPATH ANY SLACK!
Do not put up with their harassment. If they continue to harass you and call you, and you have told them that you refuse to deal with them because everything out of their mouth continues to be alive. Tell them that you only want to communicate with them through an attorney. But not directly. And then blocked their number from your phone.
This will in rage the Sociopath, they will become obsessed with getting you to respond. You will get text message from random numbers, that the Sociopath has found online to text you with. They can become dangerous, even moThis will enraged the sociopath, they will become obsessed with getting you to respond. You will get text message from random numbers, that the Sociopath has found online to text you with. They can become dangerous, even more so than they already are..

Always remember that narcissistic sociopaths take pleasure and making other peoples lives difficult, and watching them suffer... 

Dealing with one of these individuals is HELL on earth.

When the narcissistic sociopath is a parent...

Toxic parents who abuse their partners and children are some of the darkest, and most evil people in our world. They are the most evolutionary caustic types  of human beings on the planet, if they can really even considered to be human at all...

Truly, as parental figures, such people with a known propensity for sociopathic traits and Malignant Narcissism should never be encouraged to breed.

Unfortunately though, they feel they must have children and a husband/wife in order to blend in with the world. They paint a picture to the world as the perfect all American family. When they are anything but that. But their goal is to appear as normal as possible to the world. They fear being exposed for the monster that they really are.

When sociopaths and narcissist decide to start a family and bring innocent children in the world, they do this for ALL the wrong reasons. Their intentions are not good. They only want the children as pawns to manipulate situations.

I am really referring to the female sociopath/narcissist.  Because having children makes people assume you are maternal and as a mother and caretaker of a small innocent child, the women is less likely to get exposed for the evil that she is. And she is also able to gain more sympathy from others with the children. Since she always will have a poor poor pitiful me story to tell everyone.

The female narcissist/sociopath is the most evil of evil, because she  gets away with abusing, manipulating and hurting for so long, because having children she is less likely to be suspected of being such an evil vindictive individual. 

She has a only evil reasons for wanting children so badly.

First off she needs these children to manipulate others with them. If she is married she manipulate her husband with them. If she is divorced, she uses the children to manipulate her ex husband, and control his life. She will attempt to get as much money as possible out of him for the children. Child support will not ever be enough for her. She will ask for money for this and that for the children. And the money never is spent on what the children. The ex husband will usually have to end up getting the children all the things that they need. Although the sociopathic mother said she needed money for it, she never uses any of the money on the children. She will control the ex husbands life with the children. This makes it hard to find love again. The female sociopath loves to waste the time of others. When it is the fathers time with his kids. She will hide them from him, sending him on a wild goose chase for hours until enough of his time is wasted then she will finally be available so that he can get them from her.
I witnessed a sociopathic mother do this to her ex husband for years. He was to pick them up at her home at 5 on Fridays. But when he arrived at 5, the children were not there. She would tell him they went with a friend to go look at kittens somewhere or play in the park, but to come back in an hour and they would be back. The father would come back in an hour. The children were still not home, and she always had an excuse, like they decided to get ice cream they will be back soon. So the father could wait in driveway awkwardly or go to grocery store and get some food and things for him and the kids for the weekend. When he would return around 7, no one would be at the sociopathic mother’s house. He would call her, and she would say that he took so long they decided to get something to eat. He would ask her if he could just pick them up at the restaurant they were at. She would say no. She would say come back at 9. So he has just wasted 4 hours trying to pick up his children. Finally when he would come back at 9. They would be home. And of course each kid (there were 2, a boy around 8 and and a girl around 12) they would have friends with them.

The sociopathic mother never told him about friends being with them, ask if that was ok. But at 9pm he was to good of a person to not allow the children’s friends to come with him. So she basically wasted his entire evening with his children and when he finally got them, they had friends over that he was going to have to care for as well.

He would also have to get the kids bags together. They stayed with him until Tuesday so he would have to get their backpacks for school and school clothes.

The sociopathic mother would intentionally take out certain items that she knew the kids would need for school or need in general, just to inconvenience her ex husband and waste more of his time. 

This is just one true example of how things were when this loving father would try to pick his children up on Friday. And how the female sociopath would make it so hard for him to do this.
This only what she did to him when he was trying to see and get his children. She did much worse than this. He never knew what she would do to make life hell for him next. But he was a smart man, so he was always expecting something.

She made everything miserable for him. Every birthday for the children was filled with her making it into drama. She would throw her own party for the kids (or actually her mother did all the work) And she also expected to be 100% in control of whatever the father had planned for the kids. And she expected him to pay for both.

It was hard for him to plan vacations to the beach with his children without her controlling every aspect of it. She would tell him last minute that the kids wanted to bring a friend with them to the beach. So his family beach vacation, turned into him having to watch his 2 children and his daughters 2 friend and the sons 1 friend. He didn’t say no, I will not do this because of the wrath that she would cause.

He basically lived life, trying to just have a minute of peace. Which he got very little.

She not only manipulated him with the children. She manipulated her mother with them as well. Mainly to get money out of the mother. Which she would say was because their POS dad refused to give to her. Even though he had given her the money, then she collected money from the mother, but never spent it on the kids. The father always had to end up getting whatever it was she claimed they needed.
As if the $3500 a month child support was not enough.
It was not enough. 
Nothing would ever be enough for this evil woman 

Why did This man never take this evil vindictive woman to court and fight for custody? Because the fax was she was never taken care of the children when they were at a young age because she did not want to take care of children that were younger and not self-sufficient. She was a very selfish woman. But she was an attorney and she knew the law very well. And she knew how to manipulate the system and as most of you know it is very hard to beat a  this man never take this evil vindictive woman to court and fight for custody? Because the fact was she was never taking care of the children when they were at a young age because she did not want to take care of children that were young and not self-sufficient. She was a very selfish woman. But she was an attorney and she knew the law very well. And she knew how to manipulate the system and as most of you know it is very hard to beat and sociopath or narcissist in court.
 They are able to turn everything around on you making you look like the horrible parent.  They will make up lies and they will end up making it so they have even more power over you. And still collect your money at the same time.

Watching a parent lie and manipulate others is absolutely brutal for children of narcissistic and sociopathic parents to have to endure. Not only does it cause them unregulated amounts
of Social, EMOTIONAL, and PHYSICAL PAIN to see a villain succeed, it 
shakes their faith.

Healing from the Sociopaths Abuse

There is life after the sociopath/narcissist. In the beginning after the sociopath has left you, and they have moved on with the partner they had been cheating on you with.

You will feel shock, pain, hurt, devastation, denial, anger, and depression.

But it's so Important to remember that "this too shall pass..." 

Yes, you wasted a great deal of your life on this sorry excuse for a human being.. And if you have children with one, well that's another post... 

After the sociopath has moved on you must NOT CONTACT this person anymore. You will want too, because you are looking for closure. There is NO closure with the sociopath or the narcissist. They will not allow you to get any closure. They only allow you to feel pain.  

They KNOW the pain you are in (they have done this to others before you) 

Your pain is how they exercise their control on you without even being in a relationship with you. Do not let them control you anymore. 

As hard as it may seem, you must find the strength to interact with others. Talk to the genuine people in your life, and most importantly - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 

When the person you loved has betrayed you, and emotionally and mentally abused you for years, sometimes it may seem that in order to keep the peace, you must keep quiet about the abuse. You become an unwilling victim of your abuser. The sociopath wants to destroy your self esteem, because it elevates their own self esteem. The sociopath has no boundaries with anyone, they do not respect anyone. 

They believe they can do whatever they want, to whoever they want. The way a sociopaths mind works is so distorted and twisted, that a normal human being cannot even begin to try to understand why the sociopath does what he/she does.

The sociopath lives their life without ever taking any responsibility for any of the lives they have destroyed. They bounce from one victim to the next. 

Some sociopaths actually convince themselves that they are the "victim". When the relationship is over (because of their cheating, lying and stealing) they take no responsibility for anything. The sociopath will start spreading lies about their victim as soon as the relationship is over (sometimes they begin their smear campaigns before it's over - to ensure that their victim has no credibility)

The sociopath will tell people that they finally left you because you were an abusive alcoholic. 

If you have children with the sociopath – expect the sociopath to tell everyone you both know (friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances)  that you are a "dead beat" parent. They will try to make you out to be a monster. There is no limits on what lies they tell. Even if the lies could land you in jail or to lose your job. 

THE SOCIOPATH DOES NOT CARE! I have seen lives destroyed by a females sociopaths lies about her children's father. I have seen a female sociopath say that her ex husband had slapped or hit their children.  Other examples that the female sociopath will say;

He abused me and our daughter, even breaking bones in my wrist; He gambled away all my money, I have gone broke trying to pay off all his debts and loan sharks ; He is a pathologic liar and a minimizer and his job is aware of this; He has left me in debt, and refuses to pay back owed taxes from when we were married.  

WHY DOES THE SOCIOPATH DO THIS TO SOMEONE THAT SHE HURT? AS IF THE MAN HASNT SUFFERED ENOUGH, BY THE CHEATING, LYING AND CRUELTY HE HAD ENDURED THE ENTIRE MARRIAGE..

Because the female sociopath is never happy until she breaks you down, crushes your soul, socially destroys you, isolates you from the world. 

THE REAL TRUTH BEHIND HER LIES AND CHARACTER ASSASSINATION —

The female sociopath will try to destroy her ex husband. When in fact the ex husband is a wonderful, kind and a caring father {and the only healthy relationship the children involved have with an adult} the ex husband has never hit or broken the bones of anyone, believe me - IF HE HAD, the sociopath would of called the police and had him arrested the second it happened (they love being able to be a victim)

The sociopath says that her ex gambled away all their money and now she has had to pay off debts - Hahaha! The female or male sociopath ALWAYS LEAVES THE VICTIM IN FINANCIAL RUINS, but it is usually the female who cries wolf, and plays the hero by claiming to have paid off the debt (so she can gain sympathy from others in hopes they will want to help her poor pitiful situation). 

When the sociopath accuses her ex husband or her other victims of things like pathological lying, and mental disorders - it is because she is projecting what is wrong with her into her ex or victim.

AND REGARDING financial ISSUES (oh this one I could go on forever about) The sociopath will NEVER pay off taxes (unless threatened by IRS jail time). I have personally
 seen in my profession where the sociopathic ex wife was writing blogs, tweeting, posting it on Facebook; how her ex (father of her children) owed so much money in taxes and it was affecting her credit, and she was unable to pay her mortgage on the home she won in divorce because of the tax situation that her ex husband was responsible for. Even saying that every child support check was seized by the IRS as soon as she deposited it into her account. ALL LIES !

In fact she was trying to save face because the home she "owned" was in foreclosure due to the fact that she just stopped paying the mortgage and the sheriff seized it and it was up for public auction. As far as the taxes are concerned. The ex husband had to hire a tax attorney to sort out the clusterf*ck of a mess that was accumulated while he was married to the sociopath. Knowing the sociopath would NOT pay her share of the taxes, the husband paid them all off (hers and his) because he knew she wouldn't pay them, and it would negatively affect his business. Of course his crazy ex-wife didn't work (although she claimed to) so it would affect her. She already had 20 judgements against her for other debts, loans that she never made good on. 

The lies, rumors and pain that come with a sociopath

 When we have been abused, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, had rumors spread about us, lost friends, felt isolated, been afraid, lost everything, doubted ourselves, felt guilty, believed it was our fault - more than likely we were in a relationship with a sociopath. Or we were friends, or have a sociopathic family member.  

Once we discovered the truth, and realized we are not the only victim of this person, who had some how destroyed our life, our soul, and left us with little to no trust in the world. We are able to begin healing from the traumatic experience. Healing takes time. We are weak, alone, afraid, and don't know who we can trust.

The hardest part of healing is feeling safe and facing the world. 

We want to withdraw, because the sociopath has said so many horrible things about us, we feel shame. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SOCIOPATH WANTS US TO FEEL. 

When my sociopath spread rumors about me all over town — to my child's  school, to my neighbors, to people who i respected in the community. I was afraid to leave the house. I was afraid of what others were thinking about me. What lies had my sociopath told everyone? And did anyone believe those lies. My sociopath alread had a reputation in town for stealing, and abusing drugs and sleeping around, so why would people believe the lies that were being  spread?

I felt that people would rather believe the bad they have heard about you - rather than the good. It seems people don't go around talking about the good about you. But they will go around talking about anything bad about you - even if it's not true.

For a while I felt isolated from the world. I did not want to leave my home. 

Even though the people who knew me, knew the hardships I had been through with this sociopath. They new that this person was very dangerous and hated me for moving on with my life. The sociopath wanted and still wants to hurt me, and make my life unbearable. I'm not sure why.. Boredom, or because I moved on and found someone who loves me for me and we were happy. 

What I have noticed is that all Sociopaths are jealous of everyone. 

Since there is nothing real authentic and genuine about the sociopath, and they don't understand or care to understand emotions. They just see everyone as a conquest, or threat. Not as humans, who feel pain. There is not much "humanness" in a sociopath.. And when they get done with you, you may feel they stole some part of your humanness.

A close friend of mine has been dealing with a vindictive female sociopath.  It is his ex wife. He has been divorced from the sociopath for over 9 years and separated for over 14. She had numerous affairs after they adopted their 2nd child. Finally after one of the affairs became very public due to the fact the man she was cheating with was married, and they both held prominant careers in the community, he filed for divorce. He has been through hell and back. This is his story, in his words...

  

When I went no contact and chose to ignore my sociopath, that's when things got very ugly. I refused 

to communicate with the ex. So my ex decided to tell everyone, and put it on social media that i was a "cyber stalking troll". Even using my first and last name to slander me. My ex made up a fake domain site in my name. Pretending to be me, and impersonating me in an unfavorable manner.  Basically painting a picture of a very unstable person, that was trying to get help for my mental problems. The worst part was if you googled my name, the website that my ex started about me was the first thing that came up. That is  when I said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I contacted a friend of mine who is a police officer. And I ask what could be done about this website that my ex started about and was impersonating me in such a way. It was slander and defamation.

My friend informed me that it was cyber stalking, and I should file a police report. — so I did 

that. 

Which only made my ex crazier. Although the website was taken down, I was now being

accused of more horrific things. Now my sociopath ex wife was going to social media, claiming how she felt afraid for her children, because I was unstable, she believed I would kidnap them at a soccer game or from school. This was horrible because I felt afraid to go to my sons soccer game, because I didn't know what she would do or say, she had went to Facebook, and Twitter pretending to be living a life of fear because of me. 

What I began to notice was a pattern. She may have went to social media bashing me, but she expected me to pick up kids on my weekend. This is when I realized how unstable and deranged she was. She was only looking to ruin my reputation in the community, she still expected me to get the kids (even though she claimed she was in fear for their safety) 

I felt confused. I wanted to get my children. But with the unpredictable ex, I didn't know if I was being set up. Was I going to show up at the school to get my children, and the cops would be waiting to arrest me? Would my kids even be there, considering she loved leading me on wild gooses chases just to waste my time and make things difficult on me? 

I decided my children were worth whatever risk. And after all I had filed a complaint against her for impersonation and cyber stalking (which set her off to go on a rampant on social media) Bit it was still documentation, if my ex had something sinister planned. I remember so many times going to pick them up, feeling so much anxiety. Anxiety and fear consumed me. This woman had no limits and would not hesitate to destroy me, my new wife, and even my step daughter, who was at the time very little (5 years old). Sociopaths are so low, they will destroy children (even their own) just to hurt another person. 

I wondered if this crap would ever stop. I felt hopeless... I began to stop looking online, and begin to focus only on myself my children and healing. It was very tempting to want to get online and see what my ex was saying now.but I never did. I gave it a good eight months before I looked at anything my ex was doing online. I still do not look up my ex'a online activity.