Healing from the Sociopaths Abuse

There is life after the sociopath/narcissist. In the beginning after the sociopath has left you, and they have moved on with the partner they had been cheating on you with.

You will feel shock, pain, hurt, devastation, denial, anger, and depression.

But it's so Important to remember that "this too shall pass..." 

Yes, you wasted a great deal of your life on this sorry excuse for a human being.. And if you have children with one, well that's another post... 

After the sociopath has moved on you must NOT CONTACT this person anymore. You will want too, because you are looking for closure. There is NO closure with the sociopath or the narcissist. They will not allow you to get any closure. They only allow you to feel pain.  

They KNOW the pain you are in (they have done this to others before you) 

Your pain is how they exercise their control on you without even being in a relationship with you. Do not let them control you anymore. 

As hard as it may seem, you must find the strength to interact with others. Talk to the genuine people in your life, and most importantly - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 

When the person you loved has betrayed you, and emotionally and mentally abused you for years, sometimes it may seem that in order to keep the peace, you must keep quiet about the abuse. You become an unwilling victim of your abuser. The sociopath wants to destroy your self esteem, because it elevates their own self esteem. The sociopath has no boundaries with anyone, they do not respect anyone. 

They believe they can do whatever they want, to whoever they want. The way a sociopaths mind works is so distorted and twisted, that a normal human being cannot even begin to try to understand why the sociopath does what he/she does.

The sociopath lives their life without ever taking any responsibility for any of the lives they have destroyed. They bounce from one victim to the next. 

Some sociopaths actually convince themselves that they are the "victim". When the relationship is over (because of their cheating, lying and stealing) they take no responsibility for anything. The sociopath will start spreading lies about their victim as soon as the relationship is over (sometimes they begin their smear campaigns before it's over - to ensure that their victim has no credibility)

The sociopath will tell people that they finally left you because you were an abusive alcoholic. 

If you have children with the sociopath – expect the sociopath to tell everyone you both know (friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances)  that you are a "dead beat" parent. They will try to make you out to be a monster. There is no limits on what lies they tell. Even if the lies could land you in jail or to lose your job. 

THE SOCIOPATH DOES NOT CARE! I have seen lives destroyed by a females sociopaths lies about her children's father. I have seen a female sociopath say that her ex husband had slapped or hit their children.  Other examples that the female sociopath will say;

He abused me and our daughter, even breaking bones in my wrist; He gambled away all my money, I have gone broke trying to pay off all his debts and loan sharks ; He is a pathologic liar and a minimizer and his job is aware of this; He has left me in debt, and refuses to pay back owed taxes from when we were married.  

WHY DOES THE SOCIOPATH DO THIS TO SOMEONE THAT SHE HURT? AS IF THE MAN HASNT SUFFERED ENOUGH, BY THE CHEATING, LYING AND CRUELTY HE HAD ENDURED THE ENTIRE MARRIAGE..

Because the female sociopath is never happy until she breaks you down, crushes your soul, socially destroys you, isolates you from the world. 

THE REAL TRUTH BEHIND HER LIES AND CHARACTER ASSASSINATION —

The female sociopath will try to destroy her ex husband. When in fact the ex husband is a wonderful, kind and a caring father {and the only healthy relationship the children involved have with an adult} the ex husband has never hit or broken the bones of anyone, believe me - IF HE HAD, the sociopath would of called the police and had him arrested the second it happened (they love being able to be a victim)

The sociopath says that her ex gambled away all their money and now she has had to pay off debts - Hahaha! The female or male sociopath ALWAYS LEAVES THE VICTIM IN FINANCIAL RUINS, but it is usually the female who cries wolf, and plays the hero by claiming to have paid off the debt (so she can gain sympathy from others in hopes they will want to help her poor pitiful situation). 

When the sociopath accuses her ex husband or her other victims of things like pathological lying, and mental disorders - it is because she is projecting what is wrong with her into her ex or victim.

AND REGARDING financial ISSUES (oh this one I could go on forever about) The sociopath will NEVER pay off taxes (unless threatened by IRS jail time). I have personally
 seen in my profession where the sociopathic ex wife was writing blogs, tweeting, posting it on Facebook; how her ex (father of her children) owed so much money in taxes and it was affecting her credit, and she was unable to pay her mortgage on the home she won in divorce because of the tax situation that her ex husband was responsible for. Even saying that every child support check was seized by the IRS as soon as she deposited it into her account. ALL LIES !

In fact she was trying to save face because the home she "owned" was in foreclosure due to the fact that she just stopped paying the mortgage and the sheriff seized it and it was up for public auction. As far as the taxes are concerned. The ex husband had to hire a tax attorney to sort out the clusterf*ck of a mess that was accumulated while he was married to the sociopath. Knowing the sociopath would NOT pay her share of the taxes, the husband paid them all off (hers and his) because he knew she wouldn't pay them, and it would negatively affect his business. Of course his crazy ex-wife didn't work (although she claimed to) so it would affect her. She already had 20 judgements against her for other debts, loans that she never made good on. 

How the Female Narcissist Operates

The female narcissist is jealous of you.  She is jealous of who you are and what you have. She is jealous of other females. She does not have many female friends because it's difficult for her to maintain female friendships because her jealously comes out and most women do not want to keep that kind of friend in their circle. If you invited her into your circle, when you did not know what kind of female you were dealing with, she may have already started triangulation within your circle. Telling one person this, and another person else. Then turning those people against each other so that they do not speak. If they were to speak with one another - her lies would be exposed.  So always communicate in a group setting with any problems that are arising. 

You think your problems with the high school petty drama, were over in high school, right? Wrong, if a female narcissist has entered your life. 

A female narcissist will bring all that drama in, she always has and always will. She is not capable of having normal relationships with other females. Just like she can't be in a normal and healthy relationship with men.  

If you have caught on to her behavior, and she is unable to continue to manipulate and control the situation or you. She will attempt to control you another way. That is usually by controlling how others view you.  She will control you behind the scenes. By turning your fiends and others against you with lies. She will spread lies about you to your work. She will attempt to destroy you in the most covert way. After all she cannot allow you to possibly expose her for the evil manipulative human she is. She was prepared for this to happen long before you were. So the lies she began telling about you began long you became suspicious of her.  She was prepared to get revenge on you before things began to fall apart. 

She does so many manipulative, calculated, and underhanded things, the victims find themselves on the defense. Under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t feel insecure or like people were turning against you. But because your ex has etched it into your brain that you are at fault. You have begun to question everything about yourself. 

Don't question yourself. Go with your first instinct, trust your intuition. If you think this disordered soulless person is doing these awful things to you (even you have no proof) - they probably are!

Either way, the desired result is that you feel anxious, suspicious, and insecure about every little thing. You may even begin to feel guilty about your jealous thoughts and doubtful of your ability to act “normal”.  When and if you do confront the Narcissist/sociopath about your suspicions, she'll call you delusional or needy or bi-polar. 

The narcissist accuses you of everything that she really is herself. She also will do to you everything she accuses you of. 

So be alert and listen when she accuses you of something - because that accusation is about to happen to you! 

She will never admit to anything at all. She is able to look at you in the eyes with no emotion and claim she doesn’t have the slightest clue what you’re talking about…

The sociopath only wants to WIN

If you are a woman and are dealing with a sociopath ex. If you are lucky, your ex will find a new lover and become uninterested in seeing his children. Sociopath/narcissistic men usually are selfish and children are more of an inconvenience to them.
When a sociopathic male tries to seek custody of children , they do so because they want to either
1. Hurt the other parent.
2. If they make good money and are going to have to pay a large amount of child support.
If the sociopathic male is wealthy and has plenty of money to take you to court and fight for custody of the children - HE WILL DO SO. And of course if he is able to discredit the mother with lies and slander, and gets somewhat custody of the children, you can bet that he will not be the one who is taking care of the kids. He will have a relative take care of them or find a women who will take care of them.
He only wanted to take the children from the mother in order TO WIN.

That is what it is all about. WINNING. Male or Female. The sociopath wants to win. They want to turn you into dust. They will usually boast about how they have custody or how they are the "domiciliary" parent. They portray themselves as Mom or Dad of the year. Always talking about how they do this and that for their kids, and letting everyone know what a piece of shit the other parent is.

When dealing with a sociopath, in my experience NO CONTACT is the only option. Of course if you share children with the sociopath this becomes a bit more complicated. 

If you are a man, and you ex is a sociopath, this situation is difficult and frustrating. 
When children are younger, in order to see the children, communication will have to be made. Every interaction with the sociopath is going to be chaotic, frustrating, and stressful. 
But I can tell you that it does not have to last like this forever. 
There  is a light at the end of what seems like a very long, hopeless tunnel. 
Your children will get older. And soon you will be able to communicate directly with them. The sociopath will not like this at all. They will tell  you that you are an irresponsible parent for "using" the children to communicate with. They will give you lectures on how you should coparent with them. They will make desperate attempts to speak with you. They will use the kids to try to talk with you. They will make up lies about the children.  
Example: they will tell you that a child is having problems in school due to your lack of co-parenting, or that the child is going thru hormonal changes and they want you to talk with them about boys/girls, birds and bees, etc... Blah blah blah blah....

A close friend of mine dealt with a sociopathic ex for years, but started communicating with kids by cell phone he purchased for kids. The ex was losing control, but couldn't take kids phone because all other kids that age had phones, and she didn't want to look like the bad guy by taking it. But she was angry that she was unable to speak to him and manipulate and waste his time by using the kids. He was able to make plans to get the kids on his weekends, without having to go through the crap that came with dealing with the ex. She loved to waste his time by taking the children else where when he was suppose to pick up. 
 But if your child is able to communicate with you via cell phone/text, you will be able to confirm with them if what the other parent is telling you is true or false . 
Remember they only want direct communication with you, because without it they cannot manipulate you and use the children to waste your time and drain your energy and wallet. 

Finding our beautiful soul behind painful lessons

The best things those of us who have been terrorized by a sociopath is to lead the best possible life that we can. Everyones healing process will be different. But the truth is once the sociopath is out of your life, you have the chance to be free and discover who you truly are meant to be, before the sociopath came into your life and destroyed many beautiful parts of you.

When the healing starts to take place we will discover how many amazing gifts we have. We are able to choose those who deserve to be our company.

The sociopath manipulated us for so long we became lost and forgot our dreams and goals. Remembering these things will help you to heal and  calm your mind. This will be essential for us to begin healing and moving  forward in our life..
Do what you love everyday. Once you are free of the sociopath, you will find you now finally have the time to live your life. You may have to overcome certain fears and anxiety first, but this should be easy for you. You have survived a sociopath, and if you can do that, you can do ANYTHING!

The sociopath causes one to feel empty. Some of us have forgotten how to smile at others, make simple eye contact, or even just be silly and have fun. You are capable of all of these things. The real you is still there, some of us  just must go deep to find it.

Never forget that you have survived! Having a sociopath in your life means that you have been through a situation that was degrading, demeaning and horrible. Some of us even lived in the same home with the sociopath which was a house of terror, contemptuous and destructive treatment.
But we are still here today. We are not victims anymore. We are survivors. We endured every moment and every day with a monster who came across normal to the rest of the world. We felt fear of their arriving home, we felt anxiety of what emotional abuse was to come next, every single minute of the day that we were with the sociopath. We lived in fear and terror. The fact that we are still here and working to let go of that painful part of the past.  That deserves the deepest of respect.

We will heal from All the pain the sociopath has caused us. Unlike the sociopath we are capable of learning valuable life lessons from our painful life choices and mistakes. It is in these painful lessons, we become stronger, wiser, and better. It is in those painful lessons we learn that NO ONE owns us. We own ourself...

Once we have accepted that we were at the mercy of a very evil individual for months or years. All because we are kind, giving, loving, forgiving and genuine. And that is why the sociopath chose us. They do not choose people who are harsh, mean, aggressive and overly assertive, that would make manipulating, lying, cheating and controlling to hard for them. They don't much care for a challenge. In fact most of them are very lazy and would rather be able control and abuse without having to put a lot of effort towards it. They are looking for someone they believe will take being abused and keep their mouth shut about the abuse. Once the relationship had ended, the sociopath will always cover his/her tracks by slaughtering your character and making up lie after lie about you. This is one of the abusive acts that the sociopath will put extreme efforts towards. Just to be sure that if you do decide to speak about what was done to you, they have made sure no one will believe you.

Understand this is what these types of individuals do! Before you, they were doing it to someone else.  After you, they will find another victim and do the same to that person. You were not the first target/victim, and you will not be the last.

We will eventually find our way to the path of freedom. And will be set free from the emotional prison that the sociopath held us in. We will finally be rid of this evil creature once and for all.

Healing will start to take place. Although it does not occur over night. It is a process that takes time. But in this process you will learn more about yourself than you ever knew existed.
You will find out what an amazing person you are and that you have always been. 

A sociopath is a thief, they take so much from everyone. They take away confidence, peace of mind and faith in humanity. They steal the light that they see in the victim, and replace it with dark.
No matter how broken you think you are. All that the sociopath takes away from you can be restored.

The one thing that the sociopath can NEVER take from you, is your soul.

It is something that they do not not have and that they lack. They hate you and everyone else who has soul. No matter what terrible, evil, awful, hateful, deceptive, degrading, demeaning, immoral, horrific painful and abusive acts they have committed towards you.

You will always have a beautiful soul. 

And that is something that the sociopath will NEVER be able to experience, or be able to steal from you or anyone else. They will remain empty, shallow, miserable and unable to ever experience the beauty of love and compassion.

Finding our beautiful soul behind painful lessons

The best things those of us who have been terrorized by a sociopath is to lead the best possible life that we can. Everyones healing process will be different. But the truth is once the sociopath is out of your life, you have the chance to be free and discover who you truly are meant to be, before the sociopath came into your life and destroyed many beautiful parts of you.

When the healing starts to take place we will discover how many amazing gifts we have. We are able to choose those who deserve to be our company.

The sociopath manipulated us for so long we became lost and forgot our dreams and goals. Remembering these things will help you to heal and  calm your mind. This will be essential for us to begin healing and moving  forward in our life..
Do what you love everyday. Once you are free of the sociopath, you will find you now finally have the time to live your life. You may have to overcome certain fears and anxiety first, but this should be easy for you. You have survived a sociopath, and if you can do that, you can do ANYTHING!

The sociopath causes one to feel empty. Some of us have forgotten how to smile at others, make simple eye contact, or even just be silly and have fun. You are capable of all of these things. The real you is still there, some of us  just must go deep to find it.

Never forget that you have survived! Having a sociopath in your life means that you have been through a situation that was degrading, demeaning and horrible. Some of us even lived in the same home with the sociopath which was a house of terror, contemptuous and destructive treatment.
But we are still here today. We are not victims anymore. We are survivors. We endured every moment and every day with a monster who came across normal to the rest of the world. We felt fear of their arriving home, we felt anxiety of what emotional abuse was to come next, every single minute of the day that we were with the sociopath. We lived in fear and terror. The fact that we are still here and working to let go of that painful part of the past.  That deserves the deepest of respect.

We will heal from All the pain the sociopath has caused us. Unlike the sociopath we are capable of learning valuable life lessons from our painful life choices and mistakes. It is in these painful lessons, we become stronger, wiser, and better. It is in those painful lessons we learn that NO ONE owns us. We own ourself...

Once we have accepted that we were at the mercy of a very evil individual for months or years. All because we are kind, giving, loving, forgiving and genuine. And that is why the sociopath chose us. They do not choose people who are harsh, mean, aggressive and overly assertive, that would make manipulating, lying, cheating and controlling to hard for them. They don't much care for a challenge. In fact most of them are very lazy and would rather be able control and abuse without having to put a lot of effort towards it. They are looking for someone they believe will take being abused and keep their mouth shut about the abuse. Once the relationship had ended, the sociopath will always cover his/her tracks by slaughtering your character and making up lie after lie about you. This is one of the abusive acts that the sociopath will put extreme efforts towards. Just to be sure that if you do decide to speak about what was done to you, they have made sure no one will believe you.

Understand this is what these types of individuals do! Before you, they were doing it to someone else.  After you, they will find another victim and do the same to that person. You were not the first target/victim, and you will not be the last.

We will eventually find our way to the path of freedom. And will be set free from the emotional prison that the sociopath held us in. We will finally be rid of this evil creature once and for all.

Healing will start to take place. Although it does not occur over night. It is a process that takes time. But in this process you will learn more about yourself than you ever knew existed.
You will find out what an amazing person you are and that you have always been. 

A sociopath is a thief, they take so much from everyone. They take away confidence, peace of mind and faith in humanity. They steal the light that they see in the victim, and replace it with dark.
No matter how broken you think you are. All that the sociopath takes away from you can be restored.

The one thing that the sociopath can NEVER take from you, is your soul.

It is something that they do not not have and that they lack. They hate you and everyone else who has soul. No matter what terrible, evil, awful, hateful, deceptive, degrading, demeaning, immoral, horrific painful and abusive acts they have committed towards you.

You will always have a beautiful soul. 

And that is something that the sociopath will NEVER be able to experience, or be able to steal from you or anyone else. They will remain empty, shallow, miserable and unable to ever experience the beauty of love and compassion. Which is the emotions that the majority of human beings possess that makes us different from wild animals

How the sociopath will silence the victim

Truly evil people avoid extending themselves. They will take any action in their power to protect their own laziness, to preserve the integrity of their sick self. 

Rather than nurturing others,they will actually destroy others in this cause. If necessary, they will even kill to escape the pain of their own spiritual growth.

                                 —M. Scott Peck, Psychiatrist, 

                                Author People of the Lie

Narcissists, Sociopaths, and psychopaths are not mentally ill. There is no therapy to that will ever be able to help them. There is no amount of medication for them to take to balance their brain chemicals. 

It is not their brain chemistry that is off balance. 

It is their soul and conscience. The simple fact is, these types of people have no soul, no conscience, they feel no guilt, no remorse. They find ways to fly under the radar, doing just enough to convince others they are productive. But those who are unfortunate enough to live with a person like this, know the truth. Most are usually to afraid of callling the sociopath out on their lies and deceptive behaviors. This is because they know the damage the sociopath is capable of doing to them. 

The sociopath will stop at nothing to silence someone who they believe could expose them for who they really are. They will do this by spreading lies about the person who they deem as a threat before the person can expose them. The sociopath will begin making accusations toward the target. Staying that the person is crazy, unstable, and a liar. Sociopaths play the victim while vilifying the real victim. They will say they are afraid of what this person will do to them, accuse the person of being obsessed and stalking them. 

Social media makes this very easy for them to do these things. After the sociopath has created enough doubt in the minds of others and spread enough destroying information about the person. The victim is usually silenced, because they are traumatized by what is being said about them. The disgusting lies that the sociopath has said, damages the self esteem of the victim. The person no longer has the confidence to tell their story and what the sociopath has done to them. 

Even when the sociopath has silenced their victim, .this doesn't mean that they will stop mentally and emotionally tormenting the victim. 

The Reign of Terror Never Really Ends

Sociopaths really do not understand honesty, they believe it is something that only the weak and vulnerable does. Their mind is so warped and twisted, they truly cannot comprehend truth, love and compassion.


Being exposed for the shallow, manipulative, soulless liar is something that terrifies the sociopath/narcissist. 

The sociopath/narcissist has a few primary goals, that do not change much through out ones entire existence. That goal is to control others by any means possible.
Having control ensures the sociopath can live an easy, carefree life, never having any real responsibility. 

The sociopath wants the outer world to perceive him/her as a do-gooder. 
Someone who is empathic, and hard working.  Something all of us who have ever had to deal with this type for dysfunctional person know all to well.

All of us that have dealt with a character flawed individual (sociopath/narcissist) already know that they believe they are too "special" and "precious" to actually work hard for something. This is the reason they seek out people whom they believe to be “weak”. They target these types of people because they are compassionate, generous and loving. 
The sociopath knows that they will be able to fully take advantage of their kindness. 
They don't see people as potential friends or future lovers. They see them as an object they can use to do all the work that they believe they themselves are to good to do. 

The sociopath/narcissist will take the credit, and recognition for the hard work and responsibility that is done by someone else. 


People who are unaware that they are in a relationship with a sociopath do not realize it until their life has been turned upside down by one. 

There is never enough anyone can give the sociopath to satisfy them. 
Many have tried to give and give to the sociopath, only to exhaust themselves, and realize they are attempting to fill a black hole of nothingness. 
The sociopath is so shallow, there is nothing  in this world that will ever fill the emptiness that they are. 

YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PLEASE A SOCIOPATH! 
Everything is very temporary for them. They leave their victims feeling alone, defeated, and broken. 

The sociopath is envious of others. Not because of anything other than they want to be the center of attention at all times. 

I have personal experience with a female sociopath who has aged awfully.
I'm sure this person has always been hateful by nature. As she has aged, not so gracefully she has becomes even more hateful, bitter and resentful. 

I always wondered if the sociopath ever changes with age.. For most of us when we age we do not have the energy we did when we were younger. But I have experienced with a certain sociopath who I have to still somewhat deal with, that aging does not stop their  reign of terror.