Healing from the Sociopaths Abuse

There is life after the sociopath/narcissist. In the beginning after the sociopath has left you, and they have moved on with the partner they had been cheating on you with.

You will feel shock, pain, hurt, devastation, denial, anger, and depression.

But it's so Important to remember that "this too shall pass..." 

Yes, you wasted a great deal of your life on this sorry excuse for a human being.. And if you have children with one, well that's another post... 

After the sociopath has moved on you must NOT CONTACT this person anymore. You will want too, because you are looking for closure. There is NO closure with the sociopath or the narcissist. They will not allow you to get any closure. They only allow you to feel pain.  

They KNOW the pain you are in (they have done this to others before you) 

Your pain is how they exercise their control on you without even being in a relationship with you. Do not let them control you anymore. 

As hard as it may seem, you must find the strength to interact with others. Talk to the genuine people in your life, and most importantly - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. 

When the person you loved has betrayed you, and emotionally and mentally abused you for years, sometimes it may seem that in order to keep the peace, you must keep quiet about the abuse. You become an unwilling victim of your abuser. The sociopath wants to destroy your self esteem, because it elevates their own self esteem. The sociopath has no boundaries with anyone, they do not respect anyone. 

They believe they can do whatever they want, to whoever they want. The way a sociopaths mind works is so distorted and twisted, that a normal human being cannot even begin to try to understand why the sociopath does what he/she does.

The sociopath lives their life without ever taking any responsibility for any of the lives they have destroyed. They bounce from one victim to the next. 

Some sociopaths actually convince themselves that they are the "victim". When the relationship is over (because of their cheating, lying and stealing) they take no responsibility for anything. The sociopath will start spreading lies about their victim as soon as the relationship is over (sometimes they begin their smear campaigns before it's over - to ensure that their victim has no credibility)

The sociopath will tell people that they finally left you because you were an abusive alcoholic. 

If you have children with the sociopath – expect the sociopath to tell everyone you both know (friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances)  that you are a "dead beat" parent. They will try to make you out to be a monster. There is no limits on what lies they tell. Even if the lies could land you in jail or to lose your job. 

THE SOCIOPATH DOES NOT CARE! I have seen lives destroyed by a females sociopaths lies about her children's father. I have seen a female sociopath say that her ex husband had slapped or hit their children.  Other examples that the female sociopath will say;

He abused me and our daughter, even breaking bones in my wrist; He gambled away all my money, I have gone broke trying to pay off all his debts and loan sharks ; He is a pathologic liar and a minimizer and his job is aware of this; He has left me in debt, and refuses to pay back owed taxes from when we were married.  

WHY DOES THE SOCIOPATH DO THIS TO SOMEONE THAT SHE HURT? AS IF THE MAN HASNT SUFFERED ENOUGH, BY THE CHEATING, LYING AND CRUELTY HE HAD ENDURED THE ENTIRE MARRIAGE..

Because the female sociopath is never happy until she breaks you down, crushes your soul, socially destroys you, isolates you from the world. 

THE REAL TRUTH BEHIND HER LIES AND CHARACTER ASSASSINATION —

The female sociopath will try to destroy her ex husband. When in fact the ex husband is a wonderful, kind and a caring father {and the only healthy relationship the children involved have with an adult} the ex husband has never hit or broken the bones of anyone, believe me - IF HE HAD, the sociopath would of called the police and had him arrested the second it happened (they love being able to be a victim)

The sociopath says that her ex gambled away all their money and now she has had to pay off debts - Hahaha! The female or male sociopath ALWAYS LEAVES THE VICTIM IN FINANCIAL RUINS, but it is usually the female who cries wolf, and plays the hero by claiming to have paid off the debt (so she can gain sympathy from others in hopes they will want to help her poor pitiful situation). 

When the sociopath accuses her ex husband or her other victims of things like pathological lying, and mental disorders - it is because she is projecting what is wrong with her into her ex or victim.

AND REGARDING financial ISSUES (oh this one I could go on forever about) The sociopath will NEVER pay off taxes (unless threatened by IRS jail time). I have personally
 seen in my profession where the sociopathic ex wife was writing blogs, tweeting, posting it on Facebook; how her ex (father of her children) owed so much money in taxes and it was affecting her credit, and she was unable to pay her mortgage on the home she won in divorce because of the tax situation that her ex husband was responsible for. Even saying that every child support check was seized by the IRS as soon as she deposited it into her account. ALL LIES !

In fact she was trying to save face because the home she "owned" was in foreclosure due to the fact that she just stopped paying the mortgage and the sheriff seized it and it was up for public auction. As far as the taxes are concerned. The ex husband had to hire a tax attorney to sort out the clusterf*ck of a mess that was accumulated while he was married to the sociopath. Knowing the sociopath would NOT pay her share of the taxes, the husband paid them all off (hers and his) because he knew she wouldn't pay them, and it would negatively affect his business. Of course his crazy ex-wife didn't work (although she claimed to) so it would affect her. She already had 20 judgements against her for other debts, loans that she never made good on. 

The social manipulation of a psychopath is endless

Obviously if you are reading this post, you have probably had some sorta encounter with a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissist. 

A common feature of the psychopath is accusing others of the very thing the psychopath does   (usually psycho's target, or person the psychopath feels is a threat, and could expose them) . 

Because psychopaths are excelled in lying. They can turn any situation into pure chaos,  confusion and misery. Psychopaths will often create dissent by playing parties against each other. The psychopaths mind set is to DIVIDE AND CONQUER by presenting one person a completely different story, than they had previously presented to another person. 

Psychopaths are often very difficult or impossible to detect, because they present themselves as genuine and caring. Especially to a potential victim. Once they hook their victim, the mask comes off, and the psychopaths ugly comes out. They are abusive, condescending, manipulative, mean-spirited Tyrants!  

Since the psychopath doesn't want others to KNOW their True Nature and Malicious Intentions, they will rarely act out in front of anyone but the victim. So there is usually no other people around to view their sinister activities. If the victim speaks out against the psychopath, the psychopath is able to make the victim look like a liar, who is mentally unstable. This is a very defeating feeling for the victim. The victim is isolated by the psychopath. 
The psychopath works to isolate their victim(s) in order to keep them quiet. The psychopath especially works hard to keep previous victims and the current victim apart. So they are unable to put together the lies, abuse, and vindictivenes. 

The variations that a psychopath will use on social manipulation are endless. The are professionals at this, they have been doing this to people all their life. 

Do not feel bad that you are unable to beat them at this game. It only means you are a genuine human being, with a kind soul. The psychopath lacks a soul, a heart, and any compassion. Having a soul is a beautiful thing. Underneath the psychopaths exterior is an ugly monster. 

Psychopaths - Lies, Rumors, and Spoof Calling

The Sociopath LOVES to spread LIES and RUMORS in order to destroy a persons reputation. They tell half truths, and distort them to make a person look mentally unstable. The sociopath doesn't even need half truths to spread a rumor. They will just tell people blatant lies about their victim. 

Here are some examples of how a sociopath twist and distorts stories to slander their victim;

You graduated from Harvard - the sociopath will tell people you never attended and your creditials are fake. 

You married at an early age - the sociopath will tell people you got pregnant and illicit drug use forced you to marry 

You bought a new car - the sociopath will tell people your old car had DNA evidence of your murder victim 

You own your home - the sociopath will tell people your swindled some retiree out of their home 

You took a vacation in Vegas - the sociopath will tell people you were laundering money for the mob. 

You are divorced - the sociopath will tell people your spouse left you for infidelity 

Your children are adults - the sociopath will tell people they are finally free from your abuse (possibly sexual abuse) 

Your friends and family love you - the sociopath will tell people they only love you cause they don't know the truth about you. 

Your dog died - the sociopath will tell people you killed your dog only after torturing it first..

And so it goes, ad infinitum... Sociopaths are extremely gifted in spinning a story about their victims in an effort to destroy any sense of credibility that they may have. 

The internet has become the sociopath/psychopaths favorite tool. They are able to destroy others under an anonymous veil. They are the most dangerous predators to the common person. They love to leave comments and make statement using ones first and last name. So when a potential employer googles the sociopaths  victim, negative statements appear. Usually statements portaying the person as “unstable”, “dangerous” and “crazy”. The sociopath usually accuses their victims of what they know they are capable of. 

The obsessed psychopath - the obsessed psychopath uses today's new technology to their advantage in destroying their victims. A psychopath "spoof" calls their victims. Spoof calling enables the phone to change the caller ID they are calling from. The psychopath may call the victim pretending to be the police or the local news. Sometimes the psychopath will call the police using the victims number. The psychopath does these things because they are vindictive and evil. They are also immature. They have no limits to what they will do to destroy someone they view as a threat. 

Starting to Heal

Psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissist, any cluster B anti-social personality disordered individual, destroy lives. They are parasites, that attach themselves to their host (you) and suck the life out of you.

Those who survive a relationship with one of these disordered people, suffer greatly. 

All of us survivors have a lot in common.. The lies, manipulations, the slow realization that our partner is a monster, and for most of us the sudden truth that the person you thought you were in love with, is not the person you thought they were. It is a horrible despairing feeling. It's hard to accept that the person you have spent so much time with has no conscience. No loyalty to you. No loyalty to anybody... 

You feel you have been tricked. You feel foolish. You may even question your own self worth.. 

Your self worth, self esteem and confidence is at stake when you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist or any other person with APD (anti-social personality). 

It becomes more so when you try to end the relationship with them. Or they decide you have served your purpose and no longer need you so they non-chalantly discard you. 

When the relationship or marriage is over. You may have survived. But there is still much healing you have left to do. 

In my blog I have discussed many of the nasty things that the sociopath/narcissist do and the toxicity they create in lives. 

This second part of this year, I am going to be more focused on how we can heal ourselves. How we can restore our true self, that has been stolen from us. How we can finally move forward with our life. It feels hopeless at times (especially if you share a child or children with one of these monsters - they may discard you but they enjoy causing you pain. They never want you to be happy and they do this by using your children against you) 

Healing from the abuse and betrayal of a disordered person can be difficult,  because in your fight to survive, you have become drained, and exhausted. You can't remember anything positive or any happy times. You may have fallen into a deep depression. And you are just living your life on auto pilot. You barely get out, because you have lost most of your confidence. The world is a scary place. It's a lonely feeling. You may isolate because the sociopath has launched such a nasty smear campaign against you.  You don't know if anyone believes the lies the sociopath has said to others about you. You feel safe in your home, and you can't find the strength to leave your safe place.

Feeling this way is ok - for a little while. But it is so important that you regain your self worth back. You cannot do that if you do not interact with others. People need to see that you are ok, and if they have heard nasty rumors about you (spread by your abuser) - by getting out and showing up, people will see you are not crazy or unstable as the sociopath has told many. There is no need to bash the sociopath. There is no need to even bring them up. Talking about them and how they wronged you, can rehash all those feelings of despair and hopelessness. The point of going out is to move on with your life. Constantly talking about how your ex tried to destroy you, and spreads dirty lies about you - still gives the sociopath Power Over You. Because you are still letting them control you, even when they are not around. You have to take YOUR power back. By eliminating the sociopath completely from every aspect of your life.  

The psychopath targets empathic people

 

We all know by now that not all psychopaths are serial killers... 

But what a lot of us do not know is just how many psychopaths are actually women. We all believe psychopaths are men. Not women.. Women are mothers and lovers, and they create peace. That is very far from the truth. 

I have a good girl friend who remember her middle school, high school, and college years being a night mare – because of other women. She is a beautiful girl, and she always was able to get any guy she wanted. She became hesitant to date her senior year, because of the hate she got from other girls. The way these girls (practically adults 17, 18 years old) would treat her was horrible. She was picked on and bullied. She had rumors spread about her that were lies. All because she was pretty? And the guys liked her? Yep!

It's plain old jealousy. Psychpaths take their jealousy to a different level. They destroy those they envy. And women are the worst at this. I don't remember many dudes spreading rumors and gossiping in school ever. The girls though... They were awful to one another. My good friend was estatic the day she graduated. We kept in touch after high school. Things had become better, but she seemed to attract girlfriends who would eventually stab her in the back. I never understood it. She was so kind and one of the most empathic people I knew. Psychopaths target empathic individuals because they love to attack the kind. Psychopaths see kindness as weakness. This is true of male and female psychopaths...

Most female psychopaths even fool experts that had studied them their entire lives.  They are prevalent in society… selfish, greedy, evil, and uncaring. 

Martha Stout’s rule of thumb… they constantly lobby for your pity while at the same time consistently hurting you and others.  In other words… they play the pity-play, the victim, the one whose life is a mess all because of someone else. 

Research on psychopathy shows a similar pattern.  Those women that are psychopaths are often not quite as psychopathic as their male counterparts. Meaning that women are not as violent as the male psychopath. That doesn't mean that they are not as ruthless though. Research has found that the female psychopath is more likely to engage in promiscuous behaviors. They tend to have higher unemployment rates, relationship instability, and dependency on social assistance programs… where males have more unlawful behavior and violent crimes. ..

These differences are small but significant.  They affect where one ends up.  Female psychopaths end up on welfare. Male psychopaths end up in prison. 

Our society does not want to admit that our mothers, and daughters can lack any morals and ethics, that they are capable of feeling no love toward their infant child, or their husband. It is an ugly situation. But it is so true. Thomas Sheridan seems to know better than anyone that the female psychopath is real and out their wreaking havoc on the lives of their children, family and spouse. 

The female psychopath will see you as a threat — if you are smart and attractive. If she thinks you are able to expose her, because you are one of the few people who see right through her bullshit. So she immediately will attempt to destroy you.  She starts with her lies and rumors she will make up about you and tell anyone who will listens. These lies won't be just any lies. These lies are meant to socially destroy you and kill your self esteem. Empathic and highly sensitive people are very affected by the lies. They become withdrawn from the world. Empathic people do not know how to fight a psychopath. They are naturally good people. They love life, animals, people, and helping others. So when attacked they are left emotionally paralyzed. The psychopath realizes this and keeps going at the person until they kill them emotionally. They are hateful, and they know what they are doing when they do this. 

Scary... That one person can cause so much harm to so many people and still fly under the radar, undetected for the heartless bitch they are... 

Doing the Devils Dirty Work

There are normal people who manipulate, but it isn't an evil type of manipulation. As human beings we do things we aren't always proud of. But normal human beings will usually feel bad about manipulating someone or lying to someone they care about. 

This is Not the case with the Sociopath. They have NO shame or guilt. They don't feel bad or remorseful for the horrific pain they cause others. Sociopathic manipulators are pathological liars. They NEVER TELL THE TRUTH. They Do Not even know the truth anymore, because lying so much more familiar to them.  Sociopaths withholding import at information from people. Sociopaths deny that they are ever responsible for causing pain or lying. They will Always find an excuse or justify what they did or they blatantly deny it. 

Sociopaths are notorious for playing the victim. If they are confronted they may pretend to be confused, or they try to convince the person that is confronting them that his or her tactics are intended to help because they are very concerned. It's all a bunch of bullshit.  

Sociopathic Manipulators frequently use gas-lighting. They love provoking someone, just to get an angry reaction out of them, then the sociopath will  blame the victim and tell them and other that the 'victim' is acting crazy and is unstable because of their reaction. The sociopath will proclaim that they are the victim of this angry person. When in reality the sociopath has been pushing the persons buttons and provoking them to react.

As normals human beings, we can only take so much poking at us, harassing, slandering, provoking before we do react. After all WE ARE HUMAN... 

The sociopath may look human on the outside, but inside they act nothing like a human being that God intended. They act more like a product made by Satan himelf. Sociopaths seem to be working for satan. Doing the devils dirty work. They are puppets for satan. They are skilled abusers. Sociopathic individuals exploit the trust they have gained through deception.

Sociopaths are very much like venomous snakes... 

Plain and simple — Sociopaths are bad people. They will always be bad people. They will never change. Their brain is dysfunctional. They are deprived of the very thing that makes us human – COMPASSION. 

Sociopaths — HAVE NO COMPASSION for anyone. They will destroy whoever it is they feel is a threat to their situation by slandering, mocking and ostracizing their victim. A sociopaths harassment is not violent, but it is covert and persistent 

Sociopathic men tend to be physically abusive as well as emotionally abusive. 

Female sociopaths on the other hand, portray themselves to be kind and caring and helpful, and are rarely violent. But the abuse and emotional scars they inflict on their victim is so damaging, that some never heal from it.

The lucky ones sometimes are able to get out of the clutches of the sociopath and can overcome the pain and abuse they have suffered at the hands of the sociopath.

Those people live to tell their story and to help others who are victims. They become stronger, and make others aware of the "sociopaths" among us. How sociopaths operate. These people are not victims of the sociopath anymore... They are Survivors 

The Borderline Psychopath

The female sociopath can be the most difficult and exhausting of personality disordered women to deal with. "Borderline psychopath" is usually the diagnosis a psychiatrist will give to the female sociopath. Female sociopaths are much more spiteful, vindictive and manipulation than their male counterpart. Women are 3 times more likely to be diagnosed as a “borderline psychopath” than men. 

Borderline psychopaths are mean, conniving, hateful, vengeful, superficial, ruthless and dangerous. They are the like sociopaths, having no conscience, no remorse, and no empathy for life, but the borderline psychopath is worse. 

They want to be in control and are demanding. Most of them are attention seekers. Any relationship (lovers, family or the few friends the sociopath may have) are constantly having to deal with the consequences of “knowing” this unstable & unpredictable woman. They create problems, they stir up drama, and they never take responsibility for their behaviors. 

Female sociopaths are relentless, they will tear the victim to shreds given over time. Their goal is destroy the persons self esteem, and confidence. So that they can more easily control and influence their victim.

It's very hard to deal with these types. The best way is to not deal with them. Be courteous if you were to see them, but limite any contact with them. If they are trying to contact you, they will use any strategy they can think of to get you to respond. If you have children with this person (God bless your soul) then you can expect them to make up lies about the children to try to guilt you to respond to them. *Remember most everything they tell you will BE A LIE, it's just a desperate attempt to get you to talk to them*. Why? 

Because it's all about control. If you are limiting your contact with the borderline psychopath. They are not in control of you. They want to have that control of you. Either because at one time they had that control, and they feel you are a possession they rightfully own. They don't see you as a human being. But more as an object to be used to their expense. The best thing for you to do is ignore them and have little to No contact with them. This doesn't necessarily mean they will leave you alone, a good friend of mine still receives 10-20 text messages a day from his borderline psyhotic ex wife. And he hasn't responded in over 2 years. Yet her relentlessness and desperation continues. Everything from one of the kids have depression due to his lack of responding, to cancer. Yet he does not fight with her, he just refuses to be manipulated and controlled. From the kids point of view they would never see their parents fighting. The borderline psychopath has more than likely told the children that their father will not get along with her and she is trying so hard to get along with him - poor poor victim - she is always the victim. When the reality is, he is simply limiting his contact. The borderline psychopath will try every trick she can to get a response. 

The borderline psychopath and the sociopathic female will spread all kinds of lies and nasty rumors (this is something she is notorious for) and she has usually been doing this since  childhood.  She is an accomplished liar and professional cheater, she is always looking for the easier road to travel (she is lazy). Her kind of personality does not know anything about honesty. They have perfected conniving and manipulation with a malicious intent. 

Female sociopaths have an uncanny ability to find a character flaw in their target that can be exploited to destroy whoever they feel is a threat to their control and power. 

Women are usually more co-operative and caring. But not the female sociopath (borderline psychopath). They do not feel any empathy towards their victims. They do not feel bad about bullying and destroying people. They are seeking dominance and control. Women are usually mothers, nurturers and caregivers. Not the female sociopath.

Many people do not realize how emotionally and mentally damaging this particular type of woman can be. She is cold hearted and ruthless, while pretending to be so compassionate. She will always tell her sad story. Like how her mother neglected her as a child, and her ex husband was an abusive alcoholic who took advantage of her kindness. If you think you might be dealing with one of these women, watch how she claims to be the victim of everyone else, but notice how aggressive she is going about it. 

Real Victims are not aggressive and vengeful. Real victims are focused on how they heal from the abuse they suffered. They are not looking for pity or retribution. Real victims are looking for peace of mind and recovery. Real victims rarely talk about how they were abused, and rarely mention their abusers name. 

While the borderline psychopath is looking to defame and destroy the reputation of their victim by vilifying them and accusing them of heinous and horrific behaviors. Usually the borderline psychopath will accuse their victim of acts that they themselves are guilty of. I.E. — stalking, cyber bullying, obsession, verbal abuse, impersonation, character assassination, etc.... 

Female Sociopaths are difficult to spot because most of them are incredibly good at hiding their true self and their motives. It is really difficult to believe the extent that the sociopath will go to, in order to destroy their target. The dirty tricks and unproven rumors that female sociopath/borderline psychopath  regularly uses against their victims can be devastating. 

The female sociopath is an out of control individual, she manipulates and punishes at will. Unfortunately the female sociopath is described as the vindictive or alienating abusive ex-wife. Who uses the children to manipulate and control her ex-husband. The children are passed around to relatives and friends like a rag doll, in order to keep them away from their father, only so the sociopath can say what a shit father he is. Until the sociopath gets what she wants she will use her children against their father, in another desperate attempt to gain control over him. 

Unfortunately this does not end when the children are of legal age, the female sociopath will still try to use them against her ex-husband, even when they are adults. Most cases I have seen either end with the adult children seeing what their mother is doing and eventually they will refuse to have anymore contact with her.  Or sadly, they fall into the trap the mother has set, and the father has no relationship with his adult children. 

The children who take the side of  their sociopathic mother can end up as crazy as she is. On a positive note, the father usually ends up ok, despite a few psychological wounds (that can be healed). He has dealt with this raging lunatic for decades. He has been insulted, manipulated, and verbally abused by her. It usually comes as no surprise to him that his ex has turned his children against him. The man has usually remarried a supportive, and caring woman (opposite of his psychopathic ex-wife). He is able to move forward and accept the situation that his vindictive ex-wife has created. He is able to accept the loss, because he is emotionally mature enough to realize that there is NOTHING he can do to change anything.  The ex has lied and brainwashed the children for years. He is just too physically & emotionally exhausted. He has no fight left.   So he chooses to invest the little energy he has left on his current family. He usually can see that fighting with a borderline psychopath (his ex) is useless. She is evil, and she wants him to pay (as if he hasn't paid enough, when she cheated and lied to him for years). 

She is so delusional that after playing the victim for so long she actually believes she is the victim. Trait of a truly psychotic and dangerous woman. 

The Adult Bully

Sociopaths, narcissist, and psychopaths are all Bullies. They use social aggression to destroy their victims. They may indirectly do things to their victim to attempt to make the victim feel alone and out numbered. The victim will usually socially isolate. 

The bully uses social isolation to make their victim feel that everyone is against them and hate them. This kind of isolation is achieved by a wide variety of techniques. One of the sociopath favorite techniques is spread rumors about the victim. Making up lies about their target, that are embarrassing and shameful. Then the sociopath will spread the rumor to many people. Urging others to not acknowledge the victim. And to ignore the victim. The sociopath tries to turn the victims own social circle against her, with false accusations, and lies.

Adult Bullies are name callers. Most girls remember what it was like in middle school, they were bullied at one point. They were called names, and given the silent treatment. Or they urged others to laugh when the victim walks by. The bully mock the victim. Makes them feel as if no one likes them. 

The victim feels alone, and dreads going anywhere they feel the bully may be. So the victim Isolates and becomes depressed. 

One thing I have noticed with adult bullies is that they usually accuse the victim of the things that they are doing to the I victim. They will be stalking their victims and put out on twitter/Facebook -  how "they have a stalker" saying things such as "my stalker is back”. Anything that the bully can do to the destroy the victims creditability. Adult bullies can be mothers, fathers, mangers, etc... 

intestinal obstruction

Adult bullies will use their children. Saying things such as "I am being stalked and I am scared for my children". This way the sociopathic bully gains more sympathy by others by saying she if afraid for her children. When her children are Not in any danger! It is just how the sociopath makes her target (victim) look more like a bad guy — which this is really unfortunate for mothers and children of REAL domestic violence. Sociopaths look for what the media is talking about and something going on in our world that is effecting large groups of people and uses that to destroy her enemies. She has seen how bullying has impacted so many innocent people and how the world has sympathy for the victims of bullying. So she decides to become a victim of bullying - taking attention away from Real people who are being bullied to the point of suicide. 

THE SOCIOPATH IS THE BIGGEST BULLY OF THEM ALL...

The sociopath is such a manipulative liar that unless you know them closely (like you are family). They are convincing and believable. They don't have real emotions, that is why they look for things that people have sympathy for in the news and media and exploit others with it.  It is very sad for the real victims of bullies ...