Never React but always Remember and Document

Being a victim of a sociopath, I have learned how destructive, cruel and damaging they can are to ones emotional, mental and physical health. Some may have noticed this blog NEVER uses any names to point out a specific sociopath. The blog authors name is not real. 
Why? Because I am not here to defame or character assassinate anyone. Not even a sociopath.

This blog is to help the victims of sociopaths, narcissist and other dark personalities better understand how these cruel individuals operate, so if one ever becomes targeted by a sociopath, one will know what they are up against. 

I learned the hard way... I reacted to every single false accusation being made up about me by the sociopath. Little did I know at the time, my reacting was what the sociopath wanted.
The sociopath relies on their victims emotions to bait them into their trap. Sociopaths do not have the emotions that genuine human beings have, such as guilt, shame, love, and hurt. 
They only feel anger, entitlement, hate, and revenge. 

The sociopath does covert things to the target, and makes it seem as if they are supported by others. The Internet is one of the sociopaths favorite new weapons of destruction. While the Internet is also used by amazing individuals to do good. It can also be used to hurt, destroy and defame innocent people. 
One way to know if one is being genuine or just attempting to destroy another person reputation is the use of names. Using a person first, last and even surname followed by hate accusation is a RED FLAG. 

When normal healthy minded people have a problem with a person, they maybe upset, but they don't set out to destroy their life and reputation. The sociopath will immediately begin to destroy a person with spreading embarrassing, harmful lies. They will make sure that when their targets name is googled or looked up via Internet, that the slander will appear on the first page. This harms one from employment and future employment. This makes the victim feel helpless, powerless and hated. That's the goal of the sociopath, to convince the target that they have people on their side, and are supported. When they usually are not. Any supporter who leave comments on the sociopath slander campaign, are usually left by the sociopaths other aliases. 

The best way to handle a sociopath who is determined to destroy you by spreading rumors to anyone who will listen is to NOT REACT. They are counting on you reacting emotionally. They will use your genuine against you. They now are able to say "look, I told you he/she was unstable". Although you are not unstable, you are human with human emotions that sociopath lacks. The sociopath will twist and manipulate your assumedly appropriate emotional reaction to make you look crazy, unstable and even dangerous. 

It is VERY DIFFICULT to NOT react to the awful things the sociopath is doing to you. But I am telling from personal  experience.  It is in your best to not react, but to document, document, document. Save everything. Because the sociopath will continue to do vicious things in order to get a reaction. They WILL eventually cross the line, and you will have everything you need to take legal action. It will show that you were harassed, stalked, slandered by the sociopathic person, and by not reacting they have nothing on you. 

Psychopaths, sociopaths and Narcissist

Sociopaths, psychpaths, and narcissist have similiar traits. But they are are actually different. In my research I have found all in all they all destroy lives. They all shatter self esteem, rob people of their quality of living and hope. 

Psychopaths, Sociopaths and narcissist know exactly what they are doing to their victim. In fact they know what they are going to do to their victim before they do it. 

Psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissist are able to sound as if they have a good sense and that they are of sound reasoning. They come across as charming and innocent. All people, even trained doctors may find that these disorders individuals seem to be pleasant people, that are fully functioning and have high capabilities. 

Psychometric tests also very frequently show the psychopath of superior intelligence. They may conclude that the sociopath is smarter than the average person. Both the sociopath and psychopath can appear brilliant. But it is the sociopath who is of average intelligent but has just convinced us that she/he is smarter than us all. The Narcissisit is likely to seem free from social or emotional impediments, from the minor distortions, peculiarities, and awkwardnesses so common even among the successful. 

The sociopath and the narcissist have shown many superficial characteristics and they are not universal, but they are very common.

The psychopath on the other hand is very smart, and rarely makes mistakes that will get him or her caught. Unlike the sociopath whose life begins to unravel around the age of 45 (especially the female sociopath). 

Old debts will catch up, and people have caught on to the scheme of the sociopath, and are no longer willing to do their dirty work for them. The sociopath being impulsive and having little self control, has probably been married over 3 times at this point, and is unable to keep a job. She relies on child support from the ex-spouses whom she has children with. The community is no stranger to his/her behaviors. 

The psychopath on the other hand is able to keep a steady job. And what the psychopath does is calculated and planned out. There are no holes in his story. Many sociopaths and psychopaths never commit murder. But all are capable of murder. A psychopath thinks about losing the ir freedom if they are caught for such acts, where is a sociopath is so impulsive, they do not think and do not care. They are only interested in themselves and what they want in that moment. 

Sociopaths (at least the ones I have observed) can only be “functioning” for so long... Before they get caught for the many deceptive things they do. They are very spiteful, jealous, angry individuals. They hate people who are successful, have a lot of money, or work hard. The sociopath wants all those things, but doesn't want to work to get them. 
There is a sense of entitlement there. They believe they are entitled to a BIG piece of the pie, even if they did nothing to earn or deserve. They will take credit for everyone else's hard work, and they never will acknowledge the person who actually deserves the credit. In fact they will end up destroying the person. Mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually in order to make sure that the person cannot speak out against them. 

One thing that the psychopath, narcissist, and sociopath all have in common is they all have NO EMPATHY FOR ANY FORM OF LIFE. They have no emotional connection to others {all though they are able to fake sympathy and concern VERY well. But they truly do not care, they NEVER WILL care, and there is nothing you can ever in this life do to make them care. They are EMPTY, hollow, shallow and ruthless people who will look you in the eyes, smile and then turn around and destroy you every chance they get 

Narcissistic Sociopath - NEVER takes any responsibility

A narcissistic sociopath will never take responsibility for anything. 
A sociopath always puts on a good show. Pretending to care and be compassionate. But he/she has no compassion. The sociopath only knows how to show compassion because she/he has seen someone else show this emotion. Compassion and sympathy are alien to them. 
Sociopaths make promises that they NEVER intend to keep. 

Sociopaths abandon those who care about them, especially at the most critical of times in their lives. 

The sociopath is a cheater. She/he cheats and does not care of the pain it will cause to their spouse/children or anyone else. The sociopath ONLY cares about getting their needs met, no matter how sick they are. 
Narcissist and Sociopaths sometimes will act stunned that the person is hurt by their infidelities.
Their emotional logic is not there. They do not think like normal, healthy, caring human beings.
They are soulless.... 

Sociopaths will disappear for hours and even days. Not telling anyone where they are. Then the sociopath will reappear as if everything is normal. They expect others to go along with this, and if anyone confronts them, they will lash out at them, they will try to switch the focus off of them, and turn it around on whoever is confronting them. Sometimes convincing the victim it is their fault, the victim may even end up apologizing. 
They cause their victims anxiety, stress and heartbreak. The sociopath will NEVER explain what they’ve been up to. They will though always make excuses, and tell More lies. The sociopath blames everyone else. And it is always someone else’s fault why they behaved a certain way, did something immoral, all without admitting what they did was wrong. 

It is a waste of time and energy to argue with a sociopath. It is easier to squeeze blood out of a 
stone than to get a sociopath to admit that they were wrong or even to apologize.

Sociopaths cheat and abandon their husbands and wives. The only reason a sociopath will act as if they are concerned for their children is to continue to manipuale  and control their ex. 

The reality is that the sociopath does not have the slightest concern about anyone but themselves.

Sociopaths may not commit crimes like murder, but they are capable of anything. Most of their crimes are smaller crimes but have a significant effect on their victims. A sociopath is so "good" at what they do that they often do not get caught and convicted for these crimes that devastate many lives.  

It is not worth your time and energy to try to expose a sociopath. It is more beneficial for you to walk away and get the sociopath completely out of your life. If you share children with them, then 
be patient. As the children get older, you will find that you can have less contact with the sociopath.

If the sociopath is a man, he will usually lose interest in his children and that will be the best 
thing for you and your children. As much as a child needs a father - REMEMBER THAT THIS PERSON IS A MONSTER, and EVIL. He has no compassion and unable to empathize or really care about anyone but himself and it is best that he dissapears from your child's life. As all interaction is toxic and could permanently damage your child's emotional well being 

If the sociopath is a woman - this is more difficult. The sociopathic female doesn't want her mask to slip. If she was to forget about her children, she risk being exposed for the cold heartless monster she is.  She is smart enough to know that society views women as mothers and natural nurturers. So she will want custody of the children for face value only. She puts on a show for others that she is the best mommy in the world, she tries to play the Susie soccer mom role. Also she see her children as her meal ticket. She will drain the wallet of her ex and the father of her children.

Not only will his finances suffer. He will also be drained emotionally and physically. She will wear him down, belittle him, turn his children against him. The female sociopath is like a blood sucking tick. She latches on and will not let go until she has bled him dry. 

THIS IS A DIFFICULT SITUATION FOR THE MAN. He loves his children. He wants to be a good father but to do so he must endure all the manipulation and torment that his sociopathic ex wife will do. 

In a situation like this it is important for the man to be in his children's life. They truly need him, he is the only stable figure they have and can rely on. It is hard, but once he children get older, it gets easier. The man will be able to communicate with his children without having to go through the sociopath.  Of course she will contest this. Because she wants to be in control. She will do everything she can to get control back. It's important for the man to not give in to her manipulations. As soon as the man realizes his children are able to communicate their needs 
and make decisions, that is when ALL CONTACT SHOULD BE CUT OFF WITH THE FEMALE SOCIOPATH. She will be consistent in trying to get any response. Never respond. Change your number. 

The unpredictable, unstable, obsessive EX

It is always hard when a relationship ends, a divorce or break up takes place. But when the relationship was/is toxic, it is in the best interest of our Emotional Health and Stability to end toxic relationships. 
Toxic individuals do not change. They may seek counseling, but they do not seek it because they genuinely want to change and be better persons.. The only reason a toxic person agrees to counseling or help, is so that their victim "believes" that they are trying hard to change. Once they have their victim believing that they have changed, the abuse (lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing) will start again, and continue until they are caught again. 

TOXIC PEOPLE WASTE SO SO SO MUCH OF OUR TIME, AND THEY SIMPLY DO NOT CARE. You cannot make them feel bad or remorseful, because they do not have a conscience. They lack inner depth and love. When a person does not have consciousness and awareness of the feelings and pain of others, they are capable of terrible and evil things. 
Just look at how they recklessly live. They have no concern for their own life. Much less the life of anyone else. 

When the toxic relationship ends, because you have had enough. Even though you are able to let go and you are ready to move forward in life, doesn't mean the toxic person is.  
Even if it is the toxic person ENDS the relationship, and moves on to another person. They will still feel the need to punish you every chance they can get.  Especially if you decide to move on as well and begin to see other people and date again. Once the toxic person finds out you are moving on and thinks you may even be Happy, that is when they may become obsessed with getting you back, reconciling, or just making your life miserable. 

This behavior becomes an obsession.  Your ex develops an unhealthy and dangerous obsession with you. If you have children with this person, your situation can become so miserable that you begin to feel hopeless. 

This is called the obsessive EX syndrome. It is when your Ex-Wife/Husband will stop at nothing to make your life unbearable and miserable. They will even use their own children as mass weapons of destruction to punish you and make your suffering even worse. 

Even if the ex has moved on, even re-married. Often times, the obsessive ex that you are dealing with wants you to still give to them, do things for them, and be around when they call.  They are very delusional, they truly believe that they are allowed  to move on with their new partner, but they do not believe that YOU (their Ex) is allowed to move on or be happy. Once your obsessive ex finds out that you have found someone else, they become obsessed with making your  life hell. They do not stop with just tormenting you.  They also will harass and stalk the man/woman that you have moved on with. They will use the children that you share to hurt you. They do not CARE, the psychological damage they are causing their Own children. As long as they are in control. They want to control You. This is usually because the  obsessive Ex realizes that if You find someone else, they will lose the control they have had on you for so long. 
This type of behavior is delusional, and it can become very dangerous. They may not harm you physically but they find Many other ways to harm you. Such as accusing you of abuse, physical and emotional, they will turn the children against you, and slander you to friends, colleagues and the entire community. An obsessive ex knows what they are doing, but justifies it to their own self. They are selfish, but are too self centered and narcissistic to take responsibility for anything in their life that they are doing or that they have done.  These people do not always have a chemical brain imbalance. They usually just lack compassionate for anyone, anything, except themselves. They have a sense of entitlement, and they expect impossible and unrealistic 
expectations for everyone — EXCEPT FOR THEMSELVES! 

This can be extremely hard for you, but you must be strong. I have found that once the children get older that you must apply the NO CONTACT RULE. This is helpful. But it takes a significant amount of time before your unstable ex leaves you alone. 

The lies, rumors and pain that come with a sociopath

 When we have been abused, betrayed, lied to, cheated on, had rumors spread about us, lost friends, felt isolated, been afraid, lost everything, doubted ourselves, felt guilty, believed it was our fault - more than likely we were in a relationship with a sociopath. Or we were friends, or have a sociopathic family member.  

Once we discovered the truth, and realized we are not the only victim of this person, who had some how destroyed our life, our soul, and left us with little to no trust in the world. We are able to begin healing from the traumatic experience. Healing takes time. We are weak, alone, afraid, and don't know who we can trust.

The hardest part of healing is feeling safe and facing the world. 

We want to withdraw, because the sociopath has said so many horrible things about us, we feel shame. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT THE SOCIOPATH WANTS US TO FEEL. 

When my sociopath spread rumors about me all over town — to my child's  school, to my neighbors, to people who i respected in the community. I was afraid to leave the house. I was afraid of what others were thinking about me. What lies had my sociopath told everyone? And did anyone believe those lies. My sociopath alread had a reputation in town for stealing, and abusing drugs and sleeping around, so why would people believe the lies that were being  spread?

I felt that people would rather believe the bad they have heard about you - rather than the good. It seems people don't go around talking about the good about you. But they will go around talking about anything bad about you - even if it's not true.

For a while I felt isolated from the world. I did not want to leave my home. 

Even though the people who knew me, knew the hardships I had been through with this sociopath. They new that this person was very dangerous and hated me for moving on with my life. The sociopath wanted and still wants to hurt me, and make my life unbearable. I'm not sure why.. Boredom, or because I moved on and found someone who loves me for me and we were happy. 

What I have noticed is that all Sociopaths are jealous of everyone. 

Since there is nothing real authentic and genuine about the sociopath, and they don't understand or care to understand emotions. They just see everyone as a conquest, or threat. Not as humans, who feel pain. There is not much "humanness" in a sociopath.. And when they get done with you, you may feel they stole some part of your humanness.

A close friend of mine has been dealing with a vindictive female sociopath.  It is his ex wife. He has been divorced from the sociopath for over 9 years and separated for over 14. She had numerous affairs after they adopted their 2nd child. Finally after one of the affairs became very public due to the fact the man she was cheating with was married, and they both held prominant careers in the community, he filed for divorce. He has been through hell and back. This is his story, in his words...

  

When I went no contact and chose to ignore my sociopath, that's when things got very ugly. I refused 

to communicate with the ex. So my ex decided to tell everyone, and put it on social media that i was a "cyber stalking troll". Even using my first and last name to slander me. My ex made up a fake domain site in my name. Pretending to be me, and impersonating me in an unfavorable manner.  Basically painting a picture of a very unstable person, that was trying to get help for my mental problems. The worst part was if you googled my name, the website that my ex started about me was the first thing that came up. That is  when I said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”

I contacted a friend of mine who is a police officer. And I ask what could be done about this website that my ex started about and was impersonating me in such a way. It was slander and defamation.

My friend informed me that it was cyber stalking, and I should file a police report. — so I did 

that. 

Which only made my ex crazier. Although the website was taken down, I was now being

accused of more horrific things. Now my sociopath ex wife was going to social media, claiming how she felt afraid for her children, because I was unstable, she believed I would kidnap them at a soccer game or from school. This was horrible because I felt afraid to go to my sons soccer game, because I didn't know what she would do or say, she had went to Facebook, and Twitter pretending to be living a life of fear because of me. 

What I began to notice was a pattern. She may have went to social media bashing me, but she expected me to pick up kids on my weekend. This is when I realized how unstable and deranged she was. She was only looking to ruin my reputation in the community, she still expected me to get the kids (even though she claimed she was in fear for their safety) 

I felt confused. I wanted to get my children. But with the unpredictable ex, I didn't know if I was being set up. Was I going to show up at the school to get my children, and the cops would be waiting to arrest me? Would my kids even be there, considering she loved leading me on wild gooses chases just to waste my time and make things difficult on me? 

I decided my children were worth whatever risk. And after all I had filed a complaint against her for impersonation and cyber stalking (which set her off to go on a rampant on social media) Bit it was still documentation, if my ex had something sinister planned. I remember so many times going to pick them up, feeling so much anxiety. Anxiety and fear consumed me. This woman had no limits and would not hesitate to destroy me, my new wife, and even my step daughter, who was at the time very little (5 years old). Sociopaths are so low, they will destroy children (even their own) just to hurt another person. 

I wondered if this crap would ever stop. I felt hopeless... I began to stop looking online, and begin to focus only on myself my children and healing. It was very tempting to want to get online and see what my ex was saying now.but I never did. I gave it a good eight months before I looked at anything my ex was doing online. I still do not look up my ex'a online activity. 

Happiness is easy - Once you delete the toxic people

Happiness is actually quite simple.

Delete the toxic people in your life.. You know who they are. 

They are the people who constantly demand more from you. What you have given them is never enough. They always want more. The demands are unrealistic and ridiculous. 

You find yourself exhausted and tired. You have no energy physically and mentally. Just getting a simple text message from them, stresses you out.

These toxic people truly do not care about your well being. They don't care if their demands are causing you to feel sick. It feels like they are trying to make you drop dead with their constant ridiculous demands. 

These people use to guilt to manipulate you to do what they want. They are experts at using others to hurt you, and hurt everyone else they know. 

You are not their only victim. 

They do this to everyone that is in their life, ex- partners, siblings, parents, children. These people have FEW close friends because of their selfishness and toxicity. You will find anyone who is their “close” friend usually reside out of state. That is the only way to keep a friendship with a toxic person. 

Toxic people TAKE TAKE TAKE. 

They never GIVE anything back. 

A relationship with a toxic person is so draining because you are the only one giving and working to make the relationship work. 

Toxic people DO NOT care about the people they hurt when they CHEAT, LIE, and ABUSE. If children are involved, they do not think about how their actions will affect the children. You can guarantee that after you have divorced, they will use the children as a way to hurt, control, and manipulate you. 

They are the first to say – “do you care about your children, do you know what you are doing to them?”   

They want to beat it into your head that you are a bad parent, if you say no to their demands. It doesn't matter how much you actually do, they never mention that. They just beat you down when you say NO to one of their many outrageous demands. Painting you out to be a horrible parent that doesn't give a crap about your children. 

They will tell you that you are a cruel person that doesn't care about your kids. All because you said No to them. This is typical narcissistic/ sociopathic behavior and traits. 

THERE IS NO RATIONALITY BEHIND THE THINGS THESE PEOPLE SAY. The more you can ignore them, block them from your phone, never speak to them, the happier your life will become. They NEVER change. 

If they are not tormenting you, I will bet they are tormenting someone else. 

Sociopaths Break the Victim down with Shame and Guilt

We never really know a person.... In life we meet so many people. Many of us have met a sociopath, and we probably didn't even know it.  Sociopaths are able to present themselves however they want to. Many sociopaths have a magnetic personality. This chamileon type persona is the sociopaths best advantage in order to gain the trust of others. They can be kind and charming. They have a very subtle way of making themselves seem as if they are empathic, caring and loving human beings. We believe that they are genuine and honest. Sociopaths operate in this manner to manipulate their “potential” victim. 
Once the sociopath has the victim “hooked” and under their control, that charming person you first met, seemingly disappears. And the mask comes off and the true person that they really are comes out. And it is the opposite of the person you ‘thought’ you knew. And in most cases, it is too late. They have figured out ANY weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities that you have. They take these "weaknesses" and use subtle ways to make you feel that this weakness is so ugly, that if anyone was to find out you have this trait, you will be ostracized from society.  You probably have also confided in them, since they presented themselves as understand, sympathetic, and kind. 
You soon learn that this person is anything but Kind, Understanding, and Sympathetic. 

Sociopaths are charismatic people. They are great performers. Their entire life is based on lies, deceit, hurt, deception, malicious thoughts actions. They are bullies. They have usually been bullies their entire lives. They have spent their entire existence making someone's life miserable everywhere they go. They go from Victim, to Victim doing this. Once they have drained one victim, and that person has nothing else to give to the sociopath, they toss them out like trash and move on quickly to their next victim. The sociopaths family knows them all to well. It is the family of the sociopath who has really experienced the bullying and torment of this soulless individual and has felt the intimidation for the longest at the hands of their own flesh and blood. Life for anyone who lives and knows and still communicates with the sociopath is nothing more than a pure living hell. 

Unfortunately they have their entire family so afraid of their “wrath” that the sociopaths family will lie for them, and defend them, because if they do not, the sociopath will turn their attention on one of them. And after years of suffering, the family feels defeated and afraid. 

When you are the target of a sociopath, the sociopath will do unthinkable things to you. Sociopaths are hard wired in their brain to deceive, hurt, manipulate, control, deny and blame. 

Normal people are not hard wired in this way. Unfortunately though, I have seen many victims of sociopaths that have been so traumatized by the mental abuse and emotional torment of a sociopath, they soon themselves have become more capable of manipulation, blaming others, playing the victim, and using passive aggressive behaviors. Unfortunately this is the only way the victim feels they can survive the mind games and abuse that the sociopath has continuously 

inflicted upon them. 

Even after the relationship is over with the sociopath, the victim is emotionally beat down, numb, insecure, and guarded. This is a normal response to being emotionally abused and betrayed by someone whom you felt loved you. 

This is a normal reaction to any kind of emotional abuse. The victim must realize that this is NOT THEIR FAULT.  But they also must realize that they cannot continue to allow the sociopath to be any part of their life. It's easy to lose yourself when you have been traumatized by a vindictive, hateful, greedy sociopath. 

I once heard that the best way to find youself, is to lose yourself first. So yes, even though you have been through hell. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. The light seen may mean you had to endure pain, hurt and betrayal. But if you accept that life is what it is,  and we all have problems and misfortunes (some worse than others) You will be ok! Don't allow the sociopath the pleasure to ruin the rest of your life. Because once you get rid of the sociopath — LIFE CAN BEGIN, again... 

After years of knowing a sociopath. Rather the sociopath is a lover, spouse, family member or friend.

You are traumatized.  You have been through the worst with one of the worst of all people. One that is unable to feel any remorse or guilt for the pain they cause. Victims may not always look traumatized, or at least look as one would imagine that a victim should look. But in fact victims  usually must transform themselves into someone who they are not, because of the shame and guilt they feel. 

SHAME AND GUILT... The sociopaths favorite way to break down their victims.