Malicious Co Parenting

If you are lucky you will never encounter a sociopath or psychopath in your life time. For us who have had to deal with the malicious sociopath it will likely be the worst experience in your life. They come in both genders, though most are male. They are emotional vampires, sucking the life (emotional and financial resources) out of you. Until you have nothing. Then they move on to their next victim.

Marrying a sociopath is a horrible life changing experience. Having children with a sociopath is a horrific nightmare that will never end!! 

Anyone who has to deal with these types of wicked, evil and inhumane beings, knows the damage they are capable of.  Trying to break free from them, will leave you wounded for years and even a lifetime. That is just how poisonous and toxic they are to you.  They will NEVER leave you alone. 

Do Not think that "DIVORCE" means you are free of the sociopath. If there are children to use against you, they will use those children, even if it means emotionally f*cking them up for life. THE SOCIOPATH DOES NOT CARE. If they think you are suffering, then they don't mind hurting their own innocent children to ensure that. The sociopath will continue to make UNREASONABLE AND RIDICULOUS DEMANDS on you. They will refuse to allow you to have any peace in your life. One of the most absurd experiences I have experienced with my sociopath, is after being divorced for 8 years and separated for 4. The sociopath demands that we spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and birthday together. Even though both of us have remarried. And the reason for this (so the sociopath says) is because it's important for the children to see their parents getting along.. Ha ha... That's laughable! It HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WANTING  the children to see their parents having a healthy relationship and getting along... It's all about control. They want to control you. They want to control your holidays. They want to make sure that you are not happy and enjoying Christmas with your new spouse. My sociopath has requested every year that I come over Christmas morning and put the kids toys together. I am thinking in my mind when I get these ridiculous request; SURE! I would love to wake up, drive 20 minutes to your home and put the children's toys together, while you are passed out in the other room and I have to chit chat with you new spouse... That's not awkward or weird, ya freak.. My children are now older (teenagers) and there is not any toys to put together this coming Christmas. I'm pretty my sociopath will still FIND a reason to harass me or my spouse and try to guilt us into why we should spend out Christmas with them. YOU REALLY WOULD THINK AFTER 8 YEARS OF DECLINING THE INVITATION AND 2 years of having NO CONTACT with the psychopath, they would eventually back off and take a "HINT" by now. But Nope.. 

The point is they want complete power, and control over their victims or targets. They will do anything to keep that power they once had. You have to refuse to engage. Refuse to react to them. And pray that they will leave you alone one day. It's been almost a decade and mine has yet to get the hint that I will never be manipulated again. I have tried to co parenting. When the other parent has evil and malicious intentions, every attempt to co parent will end up in disaster. You have to figure out how you can see your children without going through the sociopathic parent. 

Covert Abuse and Emotional Manipulation

       

A sociopath wants to gain control over you. They will use deceptive and underhanded ways to change your thinking. Their victim doesn't realize that this is even happening, until it is too late. 

They sociopath says subtle things that are meant to erode your esteem and emotional well being. They will chip at you and your self worth until there is very little of it left. 

A sociopath sees themselves as superior and sees others as nothing now than an object to be used. Sociopaths have No Empathy, no guilt, no remorse, and no conscience. They use you for their entertainment purposes only. 

They become bored with you and start to hate you eventually, even when you have done nothing but try to please them. Their behavior is cruel, horrific, and can psychologically, mentally, and physically destroy you. 

A sociopath can spot your weakness, your strengths and your fears easily. They will use all of these against you to gain control over you. They will stop at nothing to get what they want out of you, even if it means hurting you. 

Next thing you realize is that your once loving relationship has turned into a demeaning, degrading relationship. Leaving you confused and diminishing your self respect, self worth, and self esteem. The sociopath wants you to feel like you are losing your mind. Their intention is to make you question reality. The victim finds him/herself blaming themself for the sociopath not loving them like they use to. The victim believes it is their fault their once loving relationship has turned cold. The sociopath wants you to feel this way. They relish in the fact that they have brought you down to a rock bottom level. The sociopath is evil. 

It's hard to imagine anyone treating someone like this ON PURPOSE. But that is exactly what the sociopath does. The sociopath wants to turn you into a crying and begging emotional wreck. The victim struggles with feelings of powerlessness, and deep knife stabbing pain. The victim loses all sense of their self worth, they sometimes may turn to drugs or alcohol. The victim is so damaged that they become depressed, and withdrawn. They start to isolate and lose the support of others they use to have. 

If you are the target of a malicious and vindictive sociopath, you must remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! The sociopaths plan from the beginning was to harm you emotionally. They enjoy seeing others beg and plead, and then they feel accomplished in the fact that they can deny the victim and walk away. 

This is emotional rape. A covert emotional manipulator methodically wears down their victim. At it's worse, victims lose all sense of self and their personal values. 

Sociopaths do not look like monsters. Most of them are someone that looks just like Suzie soccer mom, or dan the loving father who attends all his kids PTA meetings. These sociopaths are so dangerous because they blend end so well, that the only people who suffer are the sociopaths children and partner and other family members. They fly under the radar, committing small crimes like fraud, identity theft, slander and defamation, and if they are in a business where money can be laundered and stolen – you can bet the sociopath is doing these things. They are 100% stealing from their partner and family. They will take out credit cards and loans in their victims name. When caught they use excuses and other manipulations, such as gas- lighting. Saying to the victim “you knew I got this card, you knew about this loan, we talked about it, remember?”

The victim is then left confused and questioning their own sanity. 

Sociopaths have contempt for their victims. They have no remorse about any of the deceptive things they do to their partner. They cheat with other people, they lie, steal, and destroy their victim one piece at a time. 

When confronted for any of these behaviors the sociopath blames and will spin the story, to make you look crazy. 

Why does the sociopath do this to someone who loves them, and has continued to make efforts to save the marriage, to fix things, and to please them? It's because they have no love inside them. They have no good in them. They have an evil mentality that aims to destroy anyone or anything that they cross paths with. 

Sociopaths feels a sense of entitlement. They are not capable of having  a meaningful and honest relationship with anyone...

They will never be able to form healthy attachments to another person. Being that they are incaple of loving anyone or receiving love from anyone. Even if their victim loves them, they are unable to feel it. All they feel is hate and anger toward the person who tries to love them.

At their core, the sociopath is filled with rage, and mental issues. The sociopath  will attempt to project their own mental instability onto their partner or the person who confronts them. 

When you are in a relationship with a sociopath, you will come to realize that they are unreliable and irresponsible. Yet, the sociopath becomes enraged and vengeful if they believe you have not followed through on something you said you will do. Even if you were unable to do something due to illness or a death in your family. The sociopath doesn't care. They will never be there for you emotionally. They see you as emotionally weak, and usually when you are feeling more vulnerable and weak, the sociopath sees it as am opportunity to kick you while you are down.

This is a very abusive and vicious cycle that the sociopath always puts you in. Rarely sociopaths abuse you physically. It is all about controlling and abusing you psychologically and emotionally. But that is not to say that the sociopath will NOT become physically violent with you. They are capable of physical abuse. More so in men than women.. 

What is so "crazy making" about the sociopath is that they actually expect you  to show them gratitude for any menial task they have done. Even after neglecting you for months and emotionally abusing you. If they do the smallest thing, they expect you to kiss their feet and adore them for that. 

When you know something in your relationship is just not quite “right”. And you suspect that your partner is a sociopath. The best thing you can do for yourself, your family, and your children, is to get out of that abusive situation. No matter what. If you are married and share children with the sociopath, you can expect life long drama and conflict. They will resent you for leaving them! How dare you! And even after moving on, and remarrying, they will always use your children to torment you. 

Unless you have experienced this kind of abuse, it's hard to understand the damage that is has taken on the victim. If the victim finally realizes that their quality of life has been suffering and that they have been living in fear and misery and decides to leave the sociopath. They realize the harm that the sociopath will cause them. They have to see that leaving the sociopath is more beneficial than staying with them to endure abuse the rest of their life. 

Healing from the pain

Healing from there pain a sociopath has caused is difficult. It is not impossible though. The reason healing can be so hard, is because the sociopath gives us no closure, and they are more than likely still tormenting us with harassment and smear campaigns.

  

The emotional abuse from a psychopath/sociopath and narcissist is debilitating, devastating and takes a toll on your heart and soul. The sociopath is so vindictive and hateful. They inflict so much damage because it is hard wired in their brains to be evil, to lie, to manipulate and to destroy others. Psychopaths have significant molecular differences in ther brain. They are without a conscious, and have no feelings of remorse, guilt, empathy or genuine love. They are abusively exploitative and incapable of true love or intimacy. They are self centered, impulsive, reckless, aggressive and irritable. They never will take any responsibility for the actions, and believe they are immune to consequences. Don't think back about the "good time" that you had with the sociopath. It was all a lie. The sociopath gets a rush from destroying human hearts and lives. The worst of it all is that they pretend to care. They are able to show as if they have empathy. When they have none..

So how do we heal from this?

The first thing we can do is forgive ourself. Be kind to ourself and love ourself. We were betrayed and it was not our fault. In order to heal we have to HAVE NO CONTACT EVER AGAIN WITH THE PSYCHOPATH. Revenge is not possible. It may sound good to picture in your mind the sociopath suffering the way you have suffered. Trying to get revenge will only make healing more difficult. Because when we are focused on revenge. We are no longer focused on ourselves. We cannot move on when we are still thinking about the sociopath. Remember the sociopath/psychopath has no conscious and feelings. You will not be able to hurt them emotionally. It will only trigger them to cause more problems in your life. 

What you really want is for the psychopath/sociopath to leave you alone. Yes they caused you pain, financial problems, and wasted so much of your life. That is the past and it can't be changed. What can be changed is you. You can't allow the sociopath to continue to hurt you. The only way that can happen, is if you walk away and never look back. No contact is so important because it puts the sociopath in the position of no longer having any control of your life. They know how their words can be powerful and convincing. So cutting off any and all contact will be beneficial to you. 

You owe the sociopath Nothing... If you have to change your phone number then do it. Avoid the sociopath at all cost. 

You are human. The sociopath/psychopath is not. They may look like a human being but they do not manifest any human being traits. Such as love and empathy. Care and concern for the well being of others.

 

In order to truly heal and move forward with your life, detachment is necessary. Detach ourself from the disordered person. You may feel so devastated that you will want to isolate and be alone. That is ok... As long as it is not for a long period of time. The sooner you get back out there. The sooner  you will start the healing process. 

We will do a lot of questioning, and try to figure out what we did to deserve this. The fact is we did nothing to deserve it. The sociopath has done this before and will do it again. There is nothing you did to cause them to treat you this way. 

Repair what is broken - force yourself to take back control of your life. Realize that no one can take away your soul. It is yours and yours alone. Start making goals. Find what inspires you. What do you love? What can you do to be a better person and live a fulfilling life? You have survived a sociopath. That is not easy to do. You know you have strength and wisdom to do whatever you set your mind to do. Healing from the abuse and betrayal you have experienced, is a chance to really learn about yourself, and to grow emotionally. You will go through many stages while healing. You will learn more about yourself than you ever have before. 

When you feel like giving up and like things couldn't be worse. It's always to remember — this to shall pass...

In moments if despair, know you are not alone. You are supported. There are others who have gone through the exact same thing you have. See how they made it through this horrific experience. Talk with people who can understand what you are going through,  because they too have been there and can understand. People who have not been through this will have a difficult time understanding how one person can be responsible for all your troubles. Their intentions may be good, but their advice usually doesn't help you heal.  

Healing comes from within you and time. Time heals all. Once the sociopath is out of your life, you will find your true self. You have to look for it though. Sometimes it is something we cannot do alone. When you are feeling hopeless and depressed and just can't seem to get out of being "stuck". It's ok to seek professional help, especially from someone who is educated about how a sociopath destroys lives. Just because you needed to seek counseling or therapy doesn't make you weak. The fact that you have realized that you are stuck and unable to move forward, and you are stepping out of your comfort zone and seeking help shows you have determination and strength. You are dedicated to living a happy life no matter what. 

Starting to Heal

Psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissist, any cluster B anti-social personality disordered individual, destroy lives. They are parasites, that attach themselves to their host (you) and suck the life out of you.

Those who survive a relationship with one of these disordered people, suffer greatly. 

All of us survivors have a lot in common.. The lies, manipulations, the slow realization that our partner is a monster, and for most of us the sudden truth that the person you thought you were in love with, is not the person you thought they were. It is a horrible despairing feeling. It's hard to accept that the person you have spent so much time with has no conscience. No loyalty to you. No loyalty to anybody... 

You feel you have been tricked. You feel foolish. You may even question your own self worth.. 

Your self worth, self esteem and confidence is at stake when you are in a relationship with a sociopath, narcissist or any other person with APD (anti-social personality). 

It becomes more so when you try to end the relationship with them. Or they decide you have served your purpose and no longer need you so they non-chalantly discard you. 

When the relationship or marriage is over. You may have survived. But there is still much healing you have left to do. 

In my blog I have discussed many of the nasty things that the sociopath/narcissist do and the toxicity they create in lives. 

This second part of this year, I am going to be more focused on how we can heal ourselves. How we can restore our true self, that has been stolen from us. How we can finally move forward with our life. It feels hopeless at times (especially if you share a child or children with one of these monsters - they may discard you but they enjoy causing you pain. They never want you to be happy and they do this by using your children against you) 

Healing from the abuse and betrayal of a disordered person can be difficult,  because in your fight to survive, you have become drained, and exhausted. You can't remember anything positive or any happy times. You may have fallen into a deep depression. And you are just living your life on auto pilot. You barely get out, because you have lost most of your confidence. The world is a scary place. It's a lonely feeling. You may isolate because the sociopath has launched such a nasty smear campaign against you.  You don't know if anyone believes the lies the sociopath has said to others about you. You feel safe in your home, and you can't find the strength to leave your safe place.

Feeling this way is ok - for a little while. But it is so important that you regain your self worth back. You cannot do that if you do not interact with others. People need to see that you are ok, and if they have heard nasty rumors about you (spread by your abuser) - by getting out and showing up, people will see you are not crazy or unstable as the sociopath has told many. There is no need to bash the sociopath. There is no need to even bring them up. Talking about them and how they wronged you, can rehash all those feelings of despair and hopelessness. The point of going out is to move on with your life. Constantly talking about how your ex tried to destroy you, and spreads dirty lies about you - still gives the sociopath Power Over You. Because you are still letting them control you, even when they are not around. You have to take YOUR power back. By eliminating the sociopath completely from every aspect of your life.  

The Borderline Personality Disordered Person

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)... 

Hmm... This one is one of the most confusing and conflicting personality disorders for me. Professionals categorize BPD the same as Cluster B's. 

Borderline personality disorder, psychopathy, sociopathy, narcissism, and histrionic are all in the same category. 

What I see with a disordered person who has a personality disorder such as  psychopathy, sociopathy and narcissism is lack of any moral compass, they cheat consistently on the partners, pathological liars and absolutely  no conscious whatsoever. They all seem to be criminals that fly under the radar, rarely getting caught for their petty but damaging crimes. Such as fraud, identity theft, altering legal documents, character assassination, impersonating someone to damage them psychologically, projection, the failure to ever accept any responsibilty for anything. 

I have never been in a personal relationship with a borderline. I am not sure if I have had an friends with the disorder, or at least if I did their behavior did not affect me. As it would someone who is in a relationship with one.  

I have done a lot of research on BPD. It seems everyone has a different view on the disorder. The people who seem to be suffering from borderline personality disorder, who have recovered (which as many of us know sociopaths and narcissist never recover or change) 

The fact that these individuals are admitting that they have BPD, and are trying to help others to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It makes me think that persons with BPD are capable of feeling compassion, remorse and that they do have a conscious. Unlike the psychpaths and narcissist.

BPD persons seem to be internally suffering. They don't seem to be be hard wired to committ crimes and lie to others. They seem to suffer from extremely low self esteem, and fear of abandonment. Which causes BPD's to act out impulsively, usually only hurting themselves. Of course when someone you love is hurting themself, or self destructing, it hurts you as well. 

BPD's seem to not be able to ‘cope’ with anything life throws at them. Such as bad news, even the slightest of bad news. They feel easily rejected, and are so afraid of rejection. They rarely step out of their ‘safe’ zones. BPD's have frequent outburst, when they feel they are being treated unfairly, rather they actually are or they are just suffering from hypervigilance. When someone with BPD doesn't get the response they may have expected, they become scared or angry. They may use threats, violence, intimidation, and destruction. The person who their outburst is aimed at us usually their partner. When their partner tries to ignore them, in hopes they will calm down, the person with BPD will only become more angry, and their behavior becomes worse. It may feel impossible to calm the BPD person down. In the state of mind the BPD is in at the time. It can be frustrating  to both the non-BPD and the BPD. 

The non-BPD feels that the person suffering may hurt themselves if they leave (which most will, by cutting themselves or acting impulsively). But the person with the disorder must understand that throwing a temper tantrum will not get them what they want. It's important that their behaviors are not supported. They must see that what they are doing is inappropriate and it is not the right way to go about getting their way.

BPD's act out of fear and desperation. When they are having an emotional outburst (possibly breakdown) they are capable of doing and saying some pretty nasty stuff. 

• They blame their partner for everything wrong in their life. 

• They manifest an inappropriate rage and resentment 

• They self destruct with drugs, alcohol, sex or self harm

• They make impulsive decisions that can affect everyone around them negatively 

• They will call names and belittle and become verbally abusive. 

• They do not hold themselves accountable to the high standards they hold others to. 

People with BPD seem to be suffering.. Something has happened to them that has caused internal suffering, and they live in a constant state of fear. They do however seem to feel remorse after they hurt the person that they love with their outburst and threats. Their behaviors resembles sociopathy. The difference between a person with BPD and a sociopath is that the BPD person realizes after they have calmed down that they have emotionally hurt someone they love and feel remorse for it. They also are internally suffering and they want help. They admit they need help. Many times psychologist are skeptical about taking on a person with BPD. Maybe because they are afraid the rage the BPD person has when they feel abandoned will be aimed at the psychologist, or they feel that it is a life long mental illness that doesn't improve with age or time or therapy. 

Reports have shown that a person suffering from BPD, can improve and go on to lead a better life. Yes, they may have burned a bridge or two. But that is something they must accept responsibility for and accept. Some people may forgive others will not. The BPD has to accept that they can't control the way others feel about the or think. They can only control themselves and how they react. 

Marsha Linehan seems to be have the most knowledge and compassion for those suffering from BPD. She uses Cognitive  - Behavioral Treatment. She also has compassion for partner and parents of those who suffer from BPD. 

Of course I am not a MD doctor of psychiatry. Or a doctor at all. I am just a highly sensitive person, who has been hurt by someone I cared for. I was basically duped and it wasn't because the person feared abandonment by me. I was just another object to be used. To this day they have no remorse what they did to me. They feel entitled to every dime I make, and for some reason they just hate me so much, they want to make my life hell. As if cheating and lying to me during our relationship wasn't hell and heart break enough. She will not stop until I am broken down and dead. I cope with this by just taking life one day at a time. My thin is much thicker than it use to be...

The Sociopath uses projection to bully their victims

Sociopaths are Adult Bullies...

The have a particular hatred for anyone who can see through their deception and mask of deceit. They are the worst kind of bullies, because they aren't the big kid, openly picking on you so that others see it and you can ask for help. They take another approach to bully. They will launch a malicious personal attack on you. They will attack your credentials, qualifications, and your personality. They will tell others you suffer from a personality disorder, such a borderline or psychopathy.  They will tell people they think are important, hoping that those people will believe it and dismiss you. 

Sociopathic Bullies and Projection

Sociopathic bullies project their inadequacies, behaviors, and shortcomings onto other people to avoid facing up to their own inadequacy. They falsely accuse others of what they themselves are guilty of. This way they feel they distract and divert attention away from themselves and their own insecurities. Projection is achieved through critisim, blame and making false allegations, these allegations are actually admissions the sociopath is making  about themselves. 

Once you realize this, every accusation and critisim and lie that the sociopath makes toward you (or whoever their target is at the time) this is actually a revelation about who they are and what they have done.  This knowledge is good to have when you are the target of the sociopath. For instance – if the sociopathic bully accuses their target of cyber stalking, bullying their children, being a home wrecker, or being stupid. It is likely that the sociopath has committed these acts. They do not want others to figure out that they are cyber stalking, or physically stalking someone. The sociopath is a bully to their own children and also to other peoples children. Sociopaths are notorious for being promiscuous. They have no qualms about committing adultery or breaking up a family.  

But they do not want anyone to know about these indiscretions.... 

 

The sociopathic bully fears being exposed. That is why they point the finger and accuse others in a emotionally injuring way. If the sociopath thinks someone sees through there bullsh*t, and this person could expose them for who they really are. That person is a threat to the sociopath. 

The sociopath doesn't just target a person who sees through their crap. They also are bullying other targets for personal reasons. Sociopathic bullies usually have a few victims they are tormenting.  The goal of the sociopathic bully is to destroy the persons reputation, so that no one will believe the target when they speak up about being bullied or slandered. 

It is Highly likely that sociopathic bully is committing the same acts or has committed these acts against the person that they are making the accusation towards.

This is very important knowledge to have when you are dealing with a person who has psychopathic tendencies, or someone who fits the description of a personality disordered individual. 

When the sociopaths bullying and smear campaigning becomes apparent to other people, the sociopathic bully will play the “Mental Health Trap”. Claiming their target is “unstable” or “mentally ill” or has a “mental health problem”. 

  This allegation is a projection of the sociopaths own mental health issues, insecurities, and fear of being exposed. 

If this trap is being used on you, and it is damaging your career or your ability to find employment. You can take legal action against the sociopathic bully. You will have to assert “projection” as a defense against disciplinary action as a part of your legal proceedings.

Projection is a key feature in identifying a person who has a psychopathic or "cluster B" personality disorder.

It is a fact that when held accountable the psychopathic personality will accuse the person who is “unmasking” them of being the one with the “mental illness” or the one who has a personality disorder.

If you feel someone is targeting you. It's important to look closely at what they are saying about you and accusing you of. You will find that everything they accuse you of and slander you with, they in fact are guilty of doing.

Trust yourself after the sociopath

The power and control a sociopath can have on you is devastating. Even after the relationship is over, you are left confused, depressed, angry, and alone. You probably did not get closure with the sociopath, and you never will. You must accept that you will not get closure. The sociopath has no concern for you. The more you ask the sociopath why he/she hurt you. The more the sociopath hates you, and feels they need to destroy you. 

You first have to admit that someone you loved is a monster. You have to face this emotionally painful experience. You will need to grieve and have the right to grieve. You were in a relationship you thought was real. You were in love. You believed this person loved you as well.  THE SOCIOPATH NEVER LOVED YOU THOUGH. The relationship YOU thought you had was NOT REAL. It was a game to the sociopath. Understand that it is not your fault. You are not unlovable. You are not flawed. The sociopath is a very sick person. Their brain is more primal than human. You are a loving, caring, person and that is why the sociopath chose you. They see kindness, generosity, and love as a weakness. They take advantage of trusting and good people. 

The sociopath is not capable of loving anyone. They are not able to receive love from others as well...

First and foremost you must be aware that if you feel you are in danger of being physically harmed by this person get the police involved and ask for a restraining order. Your safety is the most important thing to focus on. The sociopath is capable of anything. Without a conscious, and any morals or ethics, they are unpredictable and dangerous.

Trust Yourself.

It's important that you trust yourself. The sociopath has been covertly abusing you to believe that you are not smart enough, god enough, and they don't really need you. They are able to sense vulnerablities, then use those against you. They will always try to make you doubt yourself. The will try to twist and turn the truth, by making you out to be the bad guy. Another way they will try to make you doubt yourself is through lying. They are skilled at lying and they lie so much that they often start to believe their own lies. Sociopaths are known for "gas lighting." This is a form of abuse that is very subtle and can render the victim to feel unstable and insecure. 

Sociopaths portray themselves as something that they are not. They will pretend to be a do-gooder. They pretend they care, and act like they always want to help, they do not want to help and they sure don't care.  They will try to make you look crazy while they pretend they are worried about you. They tell others how they are "concerned" for you. When they are actually spreading lies and rumors. 

That's why you must trust your own intuition and you cannot doubt yourself. The sociopath tries to make you feel like you are the "crazy" one. You are not crazy. 

TRUST YOURSELF. KNOW THAT IT IS THE SOCIOPATH WHO IS ALL SCREWED UP.  It not you, it really is them..

Remember the sociopath always has a hidden agenda — they want to control and dominate others. It makes them feel powerful. The more people they control, the more delusional they become. 

Dealing with the sociopath, you are going to need confidence. You have to stay strong, and not let them manipulate your emotions.  Your self respect and confidence will need to be solid. You must know who you are. The sociopath will plant seeds of doubt, making you doubt eveything about yourself. 

Having knowledge about sociopaths, and how they operate. Will help you to survive one. You need to educate yourself on how to deal with a sociopath. When you realize that you are in a relationship with a sociopathic person, and you attempt to get out of that relationship, the sociopath will set out to destroy you (if they haven't started destroying you already). Sociopaths did not get into the relationship because they loved you and thought you were their soulmate. They get in the relationship because they think they can con you long enough to get what they want out of you, then they leave. They usually start with destroying your credit. You will find that there are credit card and loans that have been taken out in your name, that you knew nothing about. Once you confront a sociopath about this, they become enraged – “how dare you confront them!” They will use every trick they have up their rotten sleeve to lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny. Even when you present them with evidence of what they have done, they will still make excuses and refuse to accept responsibility. 

Have a Strong Sense of Self 

Having strong morals and a secure sense of self is also needed for your survival. Once the sociopath decides that you have fulfilled your purpose for them, they will discard you like yesterday's newspaper. The sociopath doesn't just get rid of you, they first need to silence you. They make up disgusting lies, and false accusations about you. They socially destroy you, which isolates you from society, because people either believe their lies, or you feel so insecure and broken down you fear going out because you are afraid of what the sociopath has said about you. The sociopath is ruthless and doesn't think twice about how they are mentally and emotionally destroying you. They could not care less.

It is impossible to ever get closure from the sociopath. You will waste time and energy trying. The sociopath drains so much out of you, that you cannot afford to waste any of your energy. Focus your energy on healing yourself from the traumatic experience of the sociopath. Doctors still do not fully understand why a sociopath is the way they are. 

There is NO cure for sociopathy. A sociopath never changes. They never feel bad for all the lives they destroy. They are evil. The worst kind of evil, because they are disguising themselves as “good”.

The sociopath has feelings of envy, and will attempt to sabotage or destroy another person for having an attribute or a possession she/he lacks, such as youth, beauty, money, and success.

 

The narcissist lives in a meaningless wasteland

Narcissist people are deceptive liars. Being with a narcissist is painful, and at times you can feel like you are the crazy one! When you are not aware of what narcissism is. Having little knowledge of personality disorders, such as a sociopathic, psychopathic, and narcissistic, makes you feel like there is something wrong with you. The narcissist is so quick to lie, and will put all the blame on you, leaving you feeling guilty for even confronting them. This can be confusing for the person who feels they are being betrayed and lied to. Eventually the persons self esteem begins to erode away. They don't understand why they are ignored, and put down. They believe something is wrong with them. So they try even harder to please the narcissist. 

Only to be more rejected by the narcissist. 

So why would a person continue to stay in a relationship that is so emotionally abusive and damaging to their personal growth? 

I believe it stems from the person being rejected by a parent, or from many rejections in their past. Rejection hurts the rejected person so badly, they feel  as long as the narcissist hasn't left them yet, that feel that they can change the narcissist, and one day the narcissist will see how much they care for them, and the narcissist will change. 

Unfortunately this will never happen...  

Narcissistic personalities CANNOT and will not ever change. They have an ego so large, it doesn't allow them to see anything but the superficial, and what is most beneficial for them and their ego. 

Narcissist Do Not think there is anything wrong with them. If a narcissist seeks therapy, it is only because they have been forced, by someone who financially supports them or holds some other power over them. They will never genuinely try to get help, because they don't think they need help.  They believe that the problem is not them. They are perfect. The problem is everyone else.  Specifically they think the people who are asking them to seek professional help. The person most affected by the narcissist is his spouse or significant other. 

To the rest of the world the narcissist will portray himself as the nice guy, and can usually get along with anyone. The narcissist has no real sense of who he or she is.  

Narcissist are compulsive liars. These people have made such a habit out of lying, their entire existence is built solely on lies. They live a life of deceit. Narcassist (and sociopaths) live in an a false reality that they start to believe. They lie about anything and everything. They are making it up as they go. They will go to extremes to lie. Anything from lying about where they work, (in an attempt to make it seem like they are hard working, interesting people - which they are not) They are actually lazy individuals who are looking for a handout. 

A narcissist will lie about everything. They become such bold liars, they will make up things that can be easily proved wrong. For example, the narcissist says things that they believe will make then look good, like they wrote a book and got the book published, and it was on the NY times best seller, but all the money the book made, she/he donated to the neo-natal unit at the hospital. Why would someone lie about something like this? Since it can be proved that it isn't true? It's because they have lied so long, and no one has ever held them accountable, they see themselves as invisible to being caught. So they tell the most extreme lies.  Most psychiatrist call these people “delusional”. 

It is the person in a relationship with this disordered individual that suffers the most. Being with a pathological liar can ruin your life and the lives of those around you. 

So what is the reason narcissist lies?

It is complicated but quite simple to understand why the narcissist and the sociopath habitually lies to everyone. First and foremost they are in love with themselves.. 

Since they usually don't have much truth that verifies how wonderful they are. They must make up their own truth. Narcissist also never want to be wrong, so if they have to lie in order to prove they are right then they have no qualms about doing so. Narcissist also feel entitled to have whatever they want. If lying gets them what they want then they will not think twice about lying. Lying comes so natural to these types of personalities. It's second nature to them.  Narcissists must make every situation all about them.. 

The narcissist never thinks to himself, “how will this impact the people in my life?”  The narcissist will never worry about the consequences of lying. 

Narcissist are so shallow that they cannot see any further than their own nose. They only focus on the immediate gratification they want. Narcissists like sociopaths are always looking for the easy way out of a situation. 

The truth is the narcissist will never have a healthy relationship with anyone. It is impossible to have a long-term, healthy relationship built on mutual trust and honesty with a narcissist because they are all compulsive liars and they live such a shallow existence.  They are never able to accept that all their failed relationships is because of their own flawed personality. They believe they are perfect.

Narcissist are essentially only in a relationship with themselves. 

The narcissist is actually a coward. They lack the courage to look at the truth. Anyone who believes that they do not have to accept any responsibilty for anything in their life, is a coward. Narcassists are covert cowards. Narcissist will say what they think will get them back on good graces with a person, but as soon as you accept a narcissist back. It is not long before they are back to doing what led to you trying to end the relationship in the first place.  Liars are very hard to love. They will perpetually frustrate you. Instead of admitting their flaws, shortcomings, and their failures  {which is what makes us human} The narcissist will lie in order to cover it up. They’re so busy keeping up appearances that they destroy their closest relationships in the process. Narcissist rarely (I'm talking about RARELY - almost never) will change. It takes courage to admit wrong, and a narcissist is a coward. So they will always live a lifestyle of deceit and denial. 

Narcissist live meaningless lives.

If everything in your life was suddenly taken away from you. Like your fancy car, nice home, your high paying career...  What do you have besides your good name or your reputation? Narcassistic people have essentially burned all bridges and alienated everyone they have ever known.  They have lied and deceived so many people and caused so much emotional damage. 

They eventually self destruct and destroy their own reputations. They have ruined their own name in the community. 

Narcissist never form any real connections with anyone. The narcissists life becomes nothing more than a meaningless wasteland. As they age they  are easily forgotten and dismissed. No one with any real discernment will trust them. The narcissist will end up isolated and ostracized in their lifestyle of lies and deceit. 

Even then, they are unable to see why their life has ended up so miserable... They blame their pathetic life on their last lover, or on their parents, or on the “asshole” boss who fired them and couldn't see their potential. It's always someone else's fault. 

If you suspect you are in a relationship with someone who is a narcassist, get out now. It will save you a lot of heart ache and disappointment to leave sooner than later. They will never change. You cannot change them. No one can.

What is DARVO?

What is DARVO? 

I discovered “DARVO” on Dr. Palmatier's site - 

Dr. Tara Palmatier - is a Clinical Psychologist. She holds a PsyD and an MSc in Counseling Psychology. She has over 15 years of experience, delivering direct services to diverse populations. She is an expert and in my opinion one of the best at what she does. She is able to recognize that men fall victim of disordered women. She is able to recognize that it is not just men who abuse. Dr. T knows that women can be the abuser as well. 

DARVO — is a reaction that the sociopath/psychopath/narcissist  have when someone is attempting to hold them accountable for their behavior. The sociopath will first Deny the behavior. Then they Attack the individual that has stepped up and confronted them. They will also Reverse the roles of the Victim and Offender. 

For example –the sociopath will play the victim role and will turn the true victim into an the alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when the sociopath assumes the role of being "falsely accused" and the sociopath will attack the accuser/victims credibility. The sociopath will blame the victim. It's also called “Vilifying the Victim”. 

Dr. T's site is informational and very helpful for anyone who is suffering abuse by a sociopath, borderline, narcissist, and psychopaths. 

This is a quote from Dr. T's site regarding the DARVO effect, more information is available on Dr. T's site —

http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/01/19/presto-change-o-darvo-deny-attack-and-reverse-victim-and-offender/ 

“It is important to distinguish types of denial, for an innocent person will probably deny a false accusation. Thus denial is not evidence of guilt. However, I propose that a certain kind of indignant self-righteousness, and overly stated denial, may in fact relate to guilt.

I hypothesize that if an accusation is true, and the accused person is abusive, the denial is more indignant, self-righteous and manipulative, as compared with denial in other cases. Similarly, I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of lawsuits, overt and covert attacks, on the whistle-blower’s credibility and so on.

The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. The attack will also likely focus on ad hominem instead of intellectual/evidential issues. Finally, I propose that the offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed. The more the offender is held accountable, the more wronged the offender claims to be.”

This behavior is crazy-making if you are the target of it. You know you’re being attacked while your partner/ex plays the victim role for all she’s worth, insisting on her distorted version of un-reality. Worse yet, many people believe her; their reasoning being, “She’s so upset it must be true.” Even some of my male clients who know their wives’accusations and lies aren’t true, sometimes doubt themselves and what they know to be reality. I believe that many women and men who engage in DARVO come to believe their own lies after they repeat them enough times. I call it the “O.J. Simpson Effect.”

Dr. Tara Palmatier is an expert in her field. I highly recommend Dr. T to any man dealing with an ex who is manipulative and determined to make your life miserable. I also recommend Dr. T to any women dealing with their husbands "psychotic ex-wife/baby mama"

http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/10/17/how-to-get-out-and-stay-out-once-you-realize-you-are-in-a-relationship-with-crazy/

The psychotic ex wife never just had one target/victim. She will usually always covertly abuse any new persons in her ex-husbands life. If the ex husband has children with the psycho ex wife. It can cause problems, stress, drama, and misery for years. It is hard to maintain a relationship when you have a psychopathic ex, obsessed with destroying you and your new spouse. It's impossible to find peace and be happy when having to deal with such an evil character. 

                                                    

Another great post by Dr. Tara Palmatier —

Psychological War is Hell

Over the last few years, I have read numerous articles regarding abusive relationships. I could relate to the manipulative tactics that high-conflict individuals use to abuse and control their partners. However, I had difficulty seeing the bigger picture. I knew where I had been, but I couldn’t tell where I was going. Or, could I? After reflecting on my own years of adversity, I began to recognize distinct repetitive phases to each conflict in my marriage. Each phase seemed to serve a particular role. With this revelation, I decided to try and add some perspective by analyzing the phases. The result of my efforts is the flow chart described below. If you are prone to flashbacks and nightmares I suggest you stop reading here! (Legend continues below diagram). To see diagram please click on the link below 

http://www.shrink4men.com/2010/11/15/high-conflict-phases-of-abuse-blame-shifting-distortion-rage-and-manipulation-diagram/

You can check out all of Dr. T's work on her amazingly insightful, informative and helpful site —

http://www.shrink4men.com/services/

It's so important for anyone who is being blackmailed, stalked, slandered, harassed to speak up. Yes! It is scary, because you know the damage the person is capable of. And you don't want to rock the boat anymore. But the abuser is banking on your “silence”. So she can keep on manipulating and covertly abusing you. 

The psychopath targets empathic people

 

We all know by now that not all psychopaths are serial killers... 

But what a lot of us do not know is just how many psychopaths are actually women. We all believe psychopaths are men. Not women.. Women are mothers and lovers, and they create peace. That is very far from the truth. 

I have a good girl friend who remember her middle school, high school, and college years being a night mare – because of other women. She is a beautiful girl, and she always was able to get any guy she wanted. She became hesitant to date her senior year, because of the hate she got from other girls. The way these girls (practically adults 17, 18 years old) would treat her was horrible. She was picked on and bullied. She had rumors spread about her that were lies. All because she was pretty? And the guys liked her? Yep!

It's plain old jealousy. Psychpaths take their jealousy to a different level. They destroy those they envy. And women are the worst at this. I don't remember many dudes spreading rumors and gossiping in school ever. The girls though... They were awful to one another. My good friend was estatic the day she graduated. We kept in touch after high school. Things had become better, but she seemed to attract girlfriends who would eventually stab her in the back. I never understood it. She was so kind and one of the most empathic people I knew. Psychopaths target empathic individuals because they love to attack the kind. Psychopaths see kindness as weakness. This is true of male and female psychopaths...

Most female psychopaths even fool experts that had studied them their entire lives.  They are prevalent in society… selfish, greedy, evil, and uncaring. 

Martha Stout’s rule of thumb… they constantly lobby for your pity while at the same time consistently hurting you and others.  In other words… they play the pity-play, the victim, the one whose life is a mess all because of someone else. 

Research on psychopathy shows a similar pattern.  Those women that are psychopaths are often not quite as psychopathic as their male counterparts. Meaning that women are not as violent as the male psychopath. That doesn't mean that they are not as ruthless though. Research has found that the female psychopath is more likely to engage in promiscuous behaviors. They tend to have higher unemployment rates, relationship instability, and dependency on social assistance programs… where males have more unlawful behavior and violent crimes. ..

These differences are small but significant.  They affect where one ends up.  Female psychopaths end up on welfare. Male psychopaths end up in prison. 

Our society does not want to admit that our mothers, and daughters can lack any morals and ethics, that they are capable of feeling no love toward their infant child, or their husband. It is an ugly situation. But it is so true. Thomas Sheridan seems to know better than anyone that the female psychopath is real and out their wreaking havoc on the lives of their children, family and spouse. 

The female psychopath will see you as a threat — if you are smart and attractive. If she thinks you are able to expose her, because you are one of the few people who see right through her bullshit. So she immediately will attempt to destroy you.  She starts with her lies and rumors she will make up about you and tell anyone who will listens. These lies won't be just any lies. These lies are meant to socially destroy you and kill your self esteem. Empathic and highly sensitive people are very affected by the lies. They become withdrawn from the world. Empathic people do not know how to fight a psychopath. They are naturally good people. They love life, animals, people, and helping others. So when attacked they are left emotionally paralyzed. The psychopath realizes this and keeps going at the person until they kill them emotionally. They are hateful, and they know what they are doing when they do this. 

Scary... That one person can cause so much harm to so many people and still fly under the radar, undetected for the heartless bitch they are...